Recently I made a sort of "to-do" list in xanga. One item on the list was "share my heart with others more often." I remembered it this morning, and I think you all should know what is really going on in my life right now. Not what tests I had this week, or how tired I've been recently, or what I'm doing this weekend, but the real stuff. The stuff you don't tell everyone. I think you deserve that because not only is it something I think about every day, but it's a testimony to what God is doing in my life!
Hang on, though, because this could be a long post.
I don't really know where to start, because I don't know when it started. The first "God thing" I can think of happened two weeks ago. I am reading through the One Year Bible, but I started last March. I will finish the Bible in less than a month, and since I didn't start at the beginning of the year, I am now in Exodus. (Do you follow? It's confusing, I know.) I have loved reading about Abraham and Moses and how God is using him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Well, two weeks ago I was reading in Exodus 4, and I came across these words:
"Moses said to the Lord, 'O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.' The Lord said to him, 'Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.'" (Ex. 4:10-12)
Cool verses, huh? God says he will use Moses despite the fact that he can't talk well. So yeah, I read those words and thought they were cool, and underlined them. Then I didn't think much about them until recently...
This past week has been cool. I can't really describe how busy it's been! I have barely had time to sit and do nothing.
On Monday I went to the A&M vs. Texas basketball game. We won.
On Tuesday I went to an Aggies in Mission meeting - got information on the trip to Juarez I'll be going on during Spring Break, and we chalked campus.
On Wednesday I had my first ComGroup of the semester. I wrote about this a little bit either in here or xanga, so you can read about that.
Now comes Thursday.
Thursday was when everything started happening.
I had a test that morning that I had barely studied for, so I was stressed out and tired. After that I had another class and was able to go home and breathe for a little while. While I was hanging out at my apartment, I came across a book on my bookshelf that I was given 2 1/2 years ago after my baptism. A family at our church in England had given it to me. I had never really read it, so I picked it up and flipped through it. Then I noticed that in the cover of the book they had written a note to me and a Bible verse. I read the verse and thought, "Cool. Don't really know what that means, but that's cool. I wonder if it was supposed to have any sort of relevance...?"
I went back on campus for a math class after lunch. I am a Math & Science Education major for Grades 4-8, and I a lot of people in my major are in multiple classes together. There is one girl in my math classes (so I see her every day) named Ali. She actually lives a couple yards from me in the apartment building next to mine! She was in my Journey group (Bible study at the BSM) last semester. Since she lives at my apartment complex, we rode the bus back together and were able to talk on the bus. I won't tell you everything we talked about, but I will tell you the important stuff.
We are both going to be graduating at least a semester late, and neither of us have our lives together, haha. We don't really have a clue what's going on, and it seems like everyone around us does. They are applying for grad schools and have these amazing teaching strategies that they will one day use with their students. They can't wait to decorate their classrooms and have a bunch of students to fill with wisdom. Oh, and they're all engaged. Hahahaha! Well we were talking about how we don't have any of that stuff, and how we are just taking it one day at a time. I finally confessed to Ali that I really don't know if I want to teach, and she perked up and told me she was the same way. I said that service is my passion, and she perked up again - hers too! She is actually taking 19 hours so she won't have to do summer school this summer. Instead, she is going on a mission trip! I think that is so cool. So yeah, we are both sort of in the same boat. Neither of us really know what we are going to do with our lives, and it's scary and confusing.
We got off the boat and I felt better about my insecurities regarding teaching. An hour later I was up at the BSM (Baptist Students Ministry) for my Journey Group. I was feeling better now that I had told someone about my secret - I didn't really want to be a teacher if I was completely honest with myself. Sure, I would love teaching, please don't get me wrong. I love kids and I think I would be a good teacher. I keep getting told that I explain things well to others. I just don't get passionately excited when I think about teaching. Anyways, I had my Bible Study and what do you know, we studied Exodus! It was great and I remembered the verses I had read a week and a half earlier. I learnt so much about God and it was amazing. We finished around 9:10 (usually groups end at 9:00) but to our surprise we were the first group out. I hung out in the foyer by myself as I waited for the other groups to get out.
A man walked up to me named Joel. He is the director of the BSM and I think he knows who I am, but I've never really talked to him before. Our conversation started off the same way - where are you from, what's your major etc. etc. We talked about England for a while and its state spiritually. Then we talked about my major and I told him that I had recently come to the realization that if I was honest, I didn't really want to teach. Turns out, he was sort of in the same boat as me in college. He was a history and psychology major, and he thought he was going to be a professor. But God led him to collegiate ministry. Carolyn and Anna are probably the only ones who know this, but it is my dream to work with college kids. I told him that, and he told me more about his job and what he does. I got really really excited because he was telling me about opportunities there. Turns out, they are actually looking for interns at the BSM!!!!!!!! I could do this after I graduate and never leave A&M! Haha! :-) Wow, that would be so cool. He actually got my phone number and email address and he's going to contact me so we can meet next week and talk about all of this stuff. I can't tell you how shocked and over the moon I was to have a prayer answered in such a short time! He gave me great advice, too. He said that one of his friends told him to make a list of stuff you were passionate about, things you were good at and then to list your ideal job. Finally, pray that God would bring all of that together in a way that glorifies him! In all honesty, I just want to serve college kids and build relationships with them. It feels weird saying that because I am a college kid - I'm only 20! But I love their spontineity and energy and would love working with them one day.
I got home and was sort of in disbelief that all of that had happened, and I called Carolyn to talk about it. She actually told me that I should be leading a Bible study (I've been told this twice in the past few days already... I guess I need to pray about that for next semester!). My first thought was, "Wow, I am horrible with words. I am awkward and say the wrong thing all the time!" But then I thought about Exodus 4:10-12 that I had read two weeks ago. I felt just like Moses - God was trying to use him for something great, but Moses kept making excuses. Finally God got frustrated with him and orders him to "Go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." I knew God was telling me to step out of my comfort zone because He is the one in control and He will give me the words to say in that sort of situation.
Suddenly a thought came to me -- what was that verse I had read in the cover of the book I was given? I looked it up again, and almost couldn't breathe because the verse made absolute perfect sense:
"I will go before you
and will level the mountains;
I will break down gates of bronze
and cut through bars of iron.
I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places,
So that you may know that I am the Lord,
the God of Israel, who summons you by
name."
Isaiah 45:2-3
