Sunday, April 19, 2009

He's Not Finished With Me Yet...

This week has left me wondering why my life has turned out the way that it has. At this point in my life, I am searching for a job as a middle school science teacher. If you would have told the 10-year-old me this, I probably would have laughed, and not believed it. When I was younger, my interests were much different.

Art was my passion when I was in elementary school and middle school. I carried around this art case that had a ton of sketchbooks, how-to books, pencils and other artistic utensils inside. I loved that thing. I would sit for hours and draw people's faces.

When I was seven, my parents bought an acre of land (and didn't build on it until I was 20). I was fascinated by the blueprints for our future house and became obsessed with drawing my own blueprints. I would color them and add furniture and everything. For a very long time, I wanted to be an architect.

Art was such a huge part of my life all through middle school. It was my best subject in school and I wanted to continue taking art classes. However, I could only choose three extra subjects to take after 8th grade. I had chosen art, design technology and information technology, but the teachers would not allow me to take 3 classes that all had huge projects as part of their coursework - the limit was 2. For some insane reason, I decided to take art off my list and take German instead. I was very good at German, but I look back now and wonder why on earth I thought it was more important than information technology (that class was horrible - my only B).

From that point on, art started getting squeezed out of my life. I still had design technology and I loved it. I got to make things with wood, metal and plastic and still be creative. It was my favorite class ever, hands down. I wanted to continue taking it after my sophomore year of high school but my school didn't offer it. It was at that point in my life that I chose to take math, chemistry and English literature for my junior and senior years of high school. The art was gone forever.

Suddenly my life had gone from art-filled to science/math-filled. I had always loved science and math but I had never thought that I would choose a job related to those subjects. I went to college thinking I wanted to major in engineering, but after a year of painful physics classes I changed my mind and choose teaching.

I got to take one art class during my sophomore year of college and I loved it (my teacher said I was the best in class... which was the best compliment ever).

Thinking about all of this just made me think: why? Why did all those things happen that shut art of my life? Recently in Bible study we were talking about creative gifts that God had given us and the ways that we used them. While answering that question I realized that it was a part of me that was missing. I felt like I have lost part of my personality.

That hit me hard.

I talked about it with Austin a lot. I wondered why God wanted me to pursue something that was completely different to what I was passionate about as a child. I am passionate about teaching math and science to middle school students now, but it is something I would never have expected. I still miss art.

I believe that God allows us to make choices for ourselves instead of choosing every single detail of our lives for us, but still has a plan for us. I know that I will never know why I was supposed to be a science teacher instead of an architect or an art teacher. But I trust God and will follow Him.

The title of my post is from a song called "Wait and See" by Brandon Heath. Look it up if you don't know it. I love that God is not finished with me yet and He still has a plan for me! I am excited to find out what it is. :)

I know that as far as art goes, I plan to incorperate a lot of art into my science classes. I'm not sure exactly how yet, but it's going to be awesome!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11