Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wasting Time

Well, I'm left alone because Austin came over and then had to leave suddenly about 5 minutes later. Important corps stuff.

I guess I'll blog until he comes back... if he comes back at all!

So today I had observation at an elementary school in Bryan. Last week was my first week, and so I was excited to see all the kids again. There was this one cute little boy in one of the classes that I really liked. He was always eager to answer questions and always paying attention, but still liked to joke around. I didn't catch his name, though.

Today was picture day, and so we took all the students into the gym to get their photos taken. As I was standing with the current class my teacher person was with, I saw the little boy from the other class (she teaches them later in the morning) standing against the wall. I got excited and wanted to wave or something, but then noticed that under the huge jacket he had on was... a dress. Then I noticed his black ballet flats. And his earrings.

He was definitely a She.

At first I thought that the kid had a twin sister, but on closer inspection I realized that I had misidentified the sex of the poor child.

I think that might be the first time in my life that I have done that.

Her name is Brittany.

Sorry, Brittany.

So that was pretty embarassing.

I also learned today how awful it is to work with someone who is constantly complaining and whining. There is a girl who also observes the same teacher as me, who is doing her Methods (what I'll do next semester). She whined and complained today non-stop, about silly things. I tried to be upbeat and positive, but I couldn't help think that she might kill me with the stapler (which was the main source of her frustration). She also kept thinking that the kids were annoying and out of control.

How is she going to survive teaching?

Since it was picture day, there was a box of plastic combs available if kids wanted to brush their hair. The boys (ages 10 and 11, remember) were taking them and combing their hair. Nothing bad there. Then, after their pictures, they would sit down quietly against the wall like they were told, and do goofy things with thier combs, like stick them in their hair so they would stay. Personally, I thought it was funny and laughed along with them, but the other girl kept getting mad and telling them off. If the boys had been disruptive, loud and annoying, that would have been a different story. But they weren't. I personally saw no problem with it. I just let her do her thing, though.

Right now I'm making a cheesecake. It's one of those pre-packaged no-bake ones, but I'm still excited. It'll be done in about 50 minutes. I don't know what I'll do until then, because I don't know when/if Austin is coming back.

I guess I'll just sit here and... watch deleted scenes from the Office.

Speaking of The Office, it premiers tomorrow.

Heck yeah.


Sunday, September 23, 2007

Hands Down, I Win!

I got home tonight after being gone pretty much all afternoon and evening. I literally jumped in surprise when I saw this at my front door:

That's right - my sweet boyfriend had left gorgeous flowers there along with a note! I win for having the best boyfriend ever. Guys, you should take notes from Austin so you can know how to make a woman feel special. :-)

I feel kinda bad because he put the flowers there right after I went to run errands today. I even saw him at Coffee Station later but had no clue that there was a surprise at my house. I even told him that I wasn't going home after studying and instead went straight to church. Thank goodness he put water in the bag, because they probably would have been all wilted!

I am going to the game this weekend with Anna, Carolyn, Catherine and James. Maybe more people too, but I don't know. I am excited because I miss those people! Anna and Natalie came to visit me during half time when we played Louisiana-Monroe, and we got this cute picture:

I love my roommates! Even though I don't actually live with them anymore, I still call them my roommates. They are precious to me!

My mom came into town this weekend. I just found out on Thursday that she was coming. We had a lot of fun! She cooked last night and it made me miss her home cooking. I need to learn how to cook like that. Maybe she can give me a lesson the next time I'm home! We had a fun breakfast yesterday, too. My mom made pancakes, egg and bacon and of course we had coffee and juice. I am going to have to do that at my duplex sometime soon! Who would come have a breakfast party with me?? ASHLEY!??! ;-) We should plan that on Friday or something! What do you say?

I babysit tomorrow morning again. Precious children. I am excited, but it means that I will have to go to bed soon so I am not exhausted in the morning.

Which reminds me... I don't have sheets tonight. I tried to wash them earlier today, and the washing machine has issues so it stops whenever it spins really fast because it gets imbalanced or something. My sheets are now sitting in soapy, dirty, lukewarm water. I have tried fixing it about 20 times but it still breaks again after spinning for 4 seconds. :-/

I hope you guys had a wonderful weekend. I know I did!!!


Thursday, September 20, 2007


Austin said that should be the title of my blog. It has no meaning to this blog whatsoever.

I realize that it's been an entire week of me not writing. It's not that I didn't want to write; I always have thoughts swimming around in my head. I have just been so incredibly busy.

Wow, so I'm using Austin's laptop to type this and it's SO COOL! I want a laptop like this. It's got that whole flippy deal where you can turn the screen around and use it as a tablet, and you can write on the screen and stuff. Technology amazes me.

I must have a really small comfort zone, because I'm finding it hard to really write right now. I'm in Coffee Station, the best place on earth. Someone should give this place an award for being awesome. Maybe I will print out a certificate and frame it and then present it to the wonderful people of this establishment. They sure deserve it.

I realized tonight that I really need to be in a Bible study of some sort. It's really crazy how much I suffer when I'm not in community with others, learning about the God of the Universe. I really suffer. I can't be in a comgroup this semester because of scheduling issues, and I'm not in any other Bible studies. I'm the one leading a Bible study.

Sometimes I feel very... empty. I think that means that I need community. This semester is definitely very different for me spiritually. This summer I spent my time with people. I got to know people. I built relationships. I got to hang out with my sister almost every day and we had Bible studies. We would sit for hours and talk about God's Word. We would pray together frequently. Satan did not attack my time at all. I always had time. I always had peace. Life was very different. This semester is crazy. I don't know why. Maybe because the momentum is so different, and I don't have the time to hang out with people and build relationships like I did this summer. It makes me really sad, and I know that I am suffering because of it. I want the summer back.

Ashley, as well as a lot of my friends, gets her Aggie Ring tomorrow. I am so so so excited for her! It is such an exciting and fun day. I wear my ring every day with pride. I am watching it glisten and shine right now, actually. Gorgeous. I hope to go with Ashley when she gets her ring. I want to be there to take pictures and jump up and down and cry and hug... haha. My mom is also coming in tomorrow afternoon. It's kind of sad, because my parents weren't able to come for my Ring Day. I wish they could have been there. I think they came the next day, though.

I want to take my mom to Coffee Station. She has been up here about a million times since I started coming here, but not once has she been able to come to the Station. It is a shame. A crying shame. We will have to plan something fun to do on Saturday. My mom doesn't come here much. It's quite sad.

I'm sorry, none of this stuff is very interesting. I am slightly distracted and very aware of my surroundings. There's three strangers sitting with me and Austin, and I feel not... with it. I need to be in my room, alone, when I write.

Are you every just suddenly reminded of your childhood, or a past memory or something? Certain smells do that to me. For example, the smell of earthworms does that to me (among other smells). I thought I smelled that the other day, and I was reminded of being a child. After it would rain really hard, my mom would let us go play outside in the river that was running to the bottom of the cul-de-sac. Where does that word come from, anyways? I bet it's French. Anyways, we would go wading in the water, and at the bottom of the cul-de-sac there would be an accumulation of worms. We used to take buckets and put as many worms as we could find in them. They were absolutely CLUMPED together. It was gross. But we loved worms, so it didn't bother us. The smell was pretty... wormy. Smelling that smell reminds me of my childhood.

The smell of cut grass also does that to me. Whenever my dad would mow the backyard, there would be neat lines of mown grass all the way down our backyard. My sisters and I would collect it and put it in a big pile. We would either play with it, or pick it up and sprinkle it everywhere. Or throw it up in the air like confetti. That smell is still one of my favorites.

I also love the smell of maple syrup. My parents used to make whole wheat pancakes for breakfast a lot (I don't think I had normal pancakes until I was a teenager) and we would always pour maple syrup on them. Normal Aunt Jemima syrup was out of the question. It was always 100% pure maple syrup. I can taste it on my tongue right now. Mmmmm! On the odd occasion that it snowed in the wintertime, we would collect snow in cups (normally off our car hoods... gross) and then pour syrup over it and eat it in a similar fashion to a snow cone. We were weird kids. Actually, that idea came from the Little House on the Prairie books. They did that and made candy out of it. It never really worked for us, though.

I just asked Austin what other smells remind him of his childhood. He said "medicine." I immediately thought of amoxicillin when he said that. I loved that stuff! It was thick and pink, not unlike Pepto-Bismol. It tasted really good. Whenever one of my sisters was sick, we would get a bottle of that stuff and stick it in the fridge. Every time I would open the fridge, I would see it sitting there and get jealous that I couldn't have any of it. My mom should be glad that I wasn't a really bad kid. Otherwise, I would have taken that whole bottle, hidden somewhere (probably behind a chair, in a closet or under a table) and guzzled it. Yum. Then I probably would have died.

So there's a little picture into my childhood. It was a good time.

Today I got iced coffee from McDonald's (inspired by Ali's most recent post). It was good, but I felt guilty for not going to Coffee Station. I spent $1.69 that could have gone to my friends here. They gave me a lot of coffee though, and it was pretty good. I might go back if I'm ever far away from College Station.

Well, it's past midnight and I am bored of writing now. I hope you all enjoyed my ramblings!


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Chillin' on a Thursday Night

Have you ever noticed how every semester has a different momentum? I never know what to expect until after the first week or so of school. It's after the first one or two weeks that I know whether I'll love the semester or not.

I'm not really sure if I love this semester yet.

I know, I know, I'm at the end of my third week.

I should know by now.

But I really don't. So far, it's not horrible. With two night classes, however, I'm not having the time of my life. My days are pretty calm. Well, I guess they were calm until I got 6 babysitting jobs in the course of about a week. Now they will be a little more full. But in general, they're not too busy.

I have something every evening/night of the week, so it's hard to do a lot of things with friends. I have found nice relaxing moments here and there, though.

I want to get settled into a semester routine. I like it when things get going and I have a little routine that I do. Not a really strict one, just one where I know what I do on different days. I feel a little too spontaneous right now.

It'll settle down, I hope.

Right now I'm making chocolate chip cookies for Austin. From scratch, I might add. Baking is a lot of fun! Especially when you bake for a special person. :) Tonight we are having movie night instead of going to the Hall. It's been a tiring day for both of us and we need some relax time. I'm listening to John Mayer as I wait for Austin to get here with the movie and baking soda. My cookies aren't complete without it!

I'm really excited about the Bible study I am co-leading this semester. It's an all-girls study on Intimacy with God. We are going to be looking at intimacy as described in Psalms, so it's pretty cool. Tonight we had 7 girls. That's a good number. I like smaller groups. Raquel taught this week, and so I get to teach next time. Please pray for me. Whenever I God places me in leadership positions similar to this, I go through a lot of spiritual warfare. Satan knows exactly how to bring me down and make me ineffective. Please pray that I will claim my power and authority in Christ and that Satan will be bound and unable to feed me the lies that he is. He attacks my energy level and my emotions. He makes me anxious and robs me of the joy I have in Christ. He places fear in my heart and takes away the confidence God gives me. I have been thinking a lot about this verse:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7

Please pray that over my life and that the truth in those words would replace the lies that Satan has placed in my mind. Thank you!

I want to go deeper in my Bible study. I want girls to be open and honest and genuine. I know that if I desire that from the girls, I am going to have to do the same thing. It requires vulnerability on my part. Pray that I would be able to be open with these girls! I am excited about what God can do with the time we have together every week.

Well, I should probably get back to cookie baking. Austin will be here soon! :)

P.S. Have you ever looked at the images that come up if you google "chocolate chip cookies"??? Do it. It's incredible. You'll drool.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Babysitting and Blankets

I keep forgetting that there are people who actually read my blog. Maybe I should write in it more. But I honestly don't know what to write sometimes.

Like right now.

What does my life consist of?

Well, at this moment in time, I am watching/listening to an online lecture. Very dull. I don't think I should elaborate. I've been doing this almost all day.

Earlier today, however, I babysat my pastor's children. Cutest little kids ever! We had fun playing Bob the Builder. Aiden, the oldest, turned five yesterday and was given a tool kit. If I had a little boy, I would do the same thing. I love tools! All guys should have a good tool kit. That's my belief, anyways. The tools he was given were pretty nice, too - all metal and wood. He wanted to play with them, but his dad told him he was only allowed to play with the wooden mallet (= hammer to him) and the wrench. He went around the house "bolting things" and "fixing things." I let him "fix" a puzzle that his little sister Ella and I were putting together. He "fixed" a baby doll that I pretended was my child. The baby kept getting eaten by a shark, falling down stairs and hitting her head. It was tragic. She even died a couple times, but thank goodness that "Bob the Builder" was able to "fix" her.

Besides playing Bob the Builder, we read books, watched a little TV, ate some lunch and snacks, and did a puzzle 1.5 times. I was very impressed because their mother just called me to follow up on the babysitting. She wasn't there when I got there nor when I left, so I didn't get to see her. I thought it was great, though, that she called me to ask about discipline issues. I told her about the only small problem I had (those children were very well behaved) and she said she would talk to Aiden about it. The parents of children I babysat in England never asked about discipline issues. Even if they did, and I told them the kids were a little fussy, they didn't really do anything about it. It was so nice to see how godly parents handle babysitting. I've never really seen it before outside of my own family. I'm taking notes. And I'm excited because I get to babysit Aiden and Ella for the next three weeks! :)

Today I listened to a song that I found under the "Free Songs" section of my church family's worship leader's website. Wow, that was a confusing sentance. Basically, the worship leader for my church, Ross King, is a musician and makes CDs and travels around doing shows and stuff. I love the music he writes! So I was on his website today, and came across a song that he had written. You can click on this link to hear it. I started tearing up a little when I heard the lyrics. I would encourage you to listen to the song. If you can't hear what he's saying, here are the words:

I couldn’t find You in the sermons
I couldn’t find You in the songs
I couldn’t find You Sunday morning
And that’s when I knew something had gone wrong
I couldn’t see You in the reading
I couldn’t hear You in my prayers
I couldn’t feel You in my feelings
And I began to fear that You weren’t there

Then I thought I heard a sound
Somewhere in me
You said to stoop way down
And that’s where You’d be

I never thought I’d find You here
Way down in my shame and fear
I never thought that You’d draw near to this
My faithlessness
I never thought to look for You
In this ditch that I’ve been crawling through
I never thought You’d listen to the plea
Of the non-religious me

They told me they’d be praying for me
And then they showed me to the door
They made it clear that they’d ignore me
Until I wasn’t struggling anymore
That’s when I started feeling guilty
This must’ve been my fault somehow
If only I’d been stronger, maybe
I would not be in this mess right now

Then I saw a nail-scarred hand
Bleeding on me
You said, “I understand”
And You showed me mercy

I never thought I’d find You here
Way down in my shame and fear
I never thought that You’d draw near to this
My faithlessness
I never thought to look for You
In this ditch that I’ve been crawling through
I never thought You’d listen to the plea
Of the non-religious me

If we have no room for strugglers
Where are they to go for answers?
Didn’t Jesus ask His Father for another way?
And what does that say
About the way we handle
People when their faith is fragile?
Even Jesus slipped and stumbled when He
Carried the cross
Now the curse of the law is gone
And in it’s place: amazing grace

Blessed are the poor in spirit
The Kingdom will belong to them
Your love is strong but still they fear that
You would never let them in
God, I am a true believer
Help me overcome my unbelief
I stepped out on the raging water
And now I’m sinking in the sea

I never thought I'd find You here
Drowning in my shame and fear
I never thought that You’d draw near to this
My faithlessness
I never thought to look for You
In this ditch that I’ve been crawling through
I never thought You’d listen to the plea
Of the non-religious me

Anyways, I thought I would share that with you. I think we all can relate to that on some level.

Other news: I think I am going to start collecting blankets. If you know me, you know that I love cuddling up on the couch with a nice blanket. I'm pretty much always cold. Well, I don't really have any blankets other than a fleece A&M one that my cousin gave me when I became and Aggie, and another fleece one that is actually a sleeping bag. I bought that one when I went to Juarez. I want my house to have lots of random blankets in it. People always seem to have those quilts that their grandmothers make, and other old blankets that have sentimental value. I don't have any. I am now taking blanket donations. If you have any old blankets you don't want, I will take them! Haha. Please wash them first, unless they have a cool old smell. I like the old blanket smell.

Thanks and Gig 'Em.


Sunday, September 09, 2007


It's now 2 pm and I haven't done anything today but get ready and eat lunch. Oh, and I helped Jen put together a baker's rack for our kitchen.

But that's it.

I feel a little lazy. But to be honest, I can't do anything without the car, and Carolyn has it right now. I feel a little more justified right now. But still lazy.

I have discovered the secret to having a lot of fun at a football game: date a guy on the Bugle Rank. I'm not kidding. Not only are they incredibly handsome (well my guy is, anyways!), but you get to stand on the first row of first deck. What a deal. Plus, you get given free ice water, you can see everything, and you get kissed after each touchdown. I'm telling you, guys, this is the way to go! :)

Welp, I'll have to finish this later or something. Carolyn's almost here.

Friday, September 07, 2007

I will need an extra set of arms to do the job I want to do

This is what the wicked are like—
always carefree, they increase in wealth.
Psalms 73:12

Good grief. Does that verse scare anyone else? I read that a few minutes ago and realized how easy it is to be carefree, increasing in wealth. That's what the world tells us to do: get rich, and your worries disappear. Live a comfortable life and you'll be fine.

It scares me because sometimes that is what I think about - having a better quality of life than I do right now. Which is ridiculous, because I already live a very comfortable life. I am wealthy.

People tell me to get prepared to be poor, because teachers don't make any money.

What's funny is that if I'm honest with myself, I would much rather work at a church or something (in some kind of ministry) and not even get paid. When I think about getting a job right now and earning money, versus volunteering to play and hang out with kids who come from rough backgrounds, I would much rather do the latter. I don't have a strong desire to earn money. But I have a passion to work with people. I don't get butterflies when I think about teaching a classroom full of adorable and yet hormonal middle school students. But I do when I think about ministry.

I really think moms have the best/hardest job ever. You get to hang out with your kids all day, nurture them, watch them grow, discipline them, teach them about Christ's love, and love on them. Yet it's a 24/7 job. You get NO time off. You don't get paid, either. And you can still be involved in ministry in some way in the church.

I like the sound of that job. :)

But who knows what God wants me to do with my life. Some people have their lives all planned out. I certainly don't. And apparently I'm not normal because I have no idea what kind of wedding I want. I don't know the first thing about weddings. Who cares. (Hint: getting married is not about a wedding, it's about the marriage after the wedding! Sorry to break it to you, girls!) Imagine if women put as much energy and time into preparing for marriage as they do their weddings. Maybe there would be less divorces...? Just a thought. But I'm getting off track. Back to not knowing what I'm doing with my life.

Yeah, so I don't have my life planned out. I like it that way. I learned when I was 11 that you may think you know what your life will look like in the future, but God has a different plan. You can't plan for yourself.

So I stopped. Well, sort of. In the big future, I say "Whatever, God! Whatever You want!" But in the immediate future, I often try to take things into my own hands and plan it out for myself. I am stubborn and I want to be independent. Shame on me!

The Creator knows His creation better than the creation knows itself. I need to rest in that.

Anyways, I need to go leave to eat lunch with a precious friend. Have a beautiful day!


Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Party on a Wednesday

I am scared to breathe and relax my muscles right now because I feel like I shouldn't be able to. I'm done. I spent all day working on a project yesterday and now I'm done, more than 24 hours later. It feels so good.

I will feel even better in about 8 hours, once I've given my presentation.

I need rest. I need to sit and be still. I need to laugh and smile and allow my brain to wind down and clear itself. That time will come at 8:30 tonight. I'm already excited about it!

My friend Kelly sent me this video today:

I am SO excited. I love this show!
I can't wait until September 27th.
I'm squealing with delight!

I need to do major cleaning and organizing around my duplex. It looks like I just moved in. My room is semi-organized, but not to the standard it needs to be. I also need to go grocery shopping. I think I own about 5 food products in this house.

Do you ever just want to throw a party for the heck of it? Not a kegger. A real, fun, dress-up, cook all day, lots of food, lots of people, big, over-the-top party. I want to throw one. For no reason. A celebration of life, of joy, of friends and relationships. I want to wear a dress and high heels. It must be a dream of mine, because I never get to dress up. I also want to wear an apron and cook food for the party all day. I want to decorate and have candles and fun music playing. I want to sit around a table with my favorite people and share stories and laughter. Maybe I'm just cheesy, but this sounds like a lot of fun to me. I think parties are fun, but no one has parties like this for no reason anymore. Weddings are the closest thing, I think. Oh, another thing, I don't want people drunk at my party. That just ruins things. There may be alcohol at my party, but people will be smart and mature about it. I also want a photographer running around capturing everything. Candid, natural shots. The only problem with me throwing a party like this is that I am poor. I have no money to do things like this. Maybe one day, when I'm a rich teacher (ha) I will throw one. I think it would also be cool to have all ages at this party. But then I'd have to get rid of the alcohol. That's ok, I guess. Kids are more fun, anyways.

I have one hour before I need to leave to go to class. I think I will spend that time dancing around my room, singing and cleaning it up.

Enjoy this Wednesday. It's grey, cloudy and will probably rain. I love it.


P.S. The picture at the top of this blog is called "Celebration." I really like it!

Sunday, September 02, 2007

I Have 5 Minutes

I promise I will actually write something soon. I've been so busy that I've barely had time to sit and think!

Anna and Hannah leave on Tuesday morning. I think I have to have them at the airport by 6 am. I don't want them to leave! It's been really fun having them here. Tonight they cooked Indian food for me and Nana. DELICIOUS! I am going to make it for my friends sometime. It was a really easy recipe but it tasted awesome! I can't believe I only have one more full day with them. I'm getting very sad! :-(

We're about to watch "Walk the Line." I'm excited because I've never seen that movie. I really like Reese Witherspoon (maybe because she's short and cute haha) so hopefully I'll like the movie. I saw a Johnny Cash cover band perform at First Yell the other night, and they were really good, but I don't think I really like Johnny Cash. His voice is a little... boring. I don't think I'm into his music a whole lot. Hmmm.

The announcer said Austin's name during half time yesterday at the game. I was so proud! :-)The drill looked great. I don't know how they do that stuff. I would mess up for sure!

I think it's time for me to sign off. We're having a pajama party and watching the movie now!!

Peace out.