Thursday, December 20, 2007

Christmas Break

So far, this break has been awesome. It's been super busy, but so much fun. Austin came home with me for about five days which was great! He bought a drum set and is going to be taking some lessons over the break. Apparently he played for 3 hours yesterday and he hasn't taken any lessons yet! :) Austin left on Tuesday morning and I miss him terribly already. I have been spoiled because I've seen him almost every day since I met him! We joke about "making it" through this "rough patch" and how we'll handle our "long distance relationship". Haha! But seriously, I can't wait to see him after the break!

We move into our new house tomorrow. It feel so weird - my parents bought the land when I was 7 and we're just now moving into the house we've waited 14 years to build! The house is great - it feels cozy and new. It's sad that Carolyn and I won't get to live there! ha.

I don't have a whole lot of news except that Christmas is coming fast and I'm not ready. I still need to buy for my dad, Carolyn, Claire, Austin and Ed.

I'm not very good at shopping, by the way.


Oh well, it's time for dinner!

Friday, December 07, 2007

The Perfect Christmas

I'm very bored right now so I thought I'd update. Plus, it's been a while.

I had a final this morning that wasn't too bad. One more final on Monday, and this semester is OVER. Whew... what a relief! I am looking forward to starting a new one.

So I really have nothing to do right now. I was supposed to go play pool with Austin and some friends, but Austin has had serious eye problems for the past few days. He finally went to the doctor today after not sleeping last night, and they said it was scratched. Poor thing. He is absolutely miserable. I have tried contacting him in almost every form imaginable, but I can't get a hold of him. Oh well. I hope he is sleeping right now, because he probably needs it a lot.

To give a summary of the past week or so: the Christmas party was a blast. I had so much fun! The next day, however, I was completely exhausted. All that entertaining really takes the energy out of me! Thank goodness it's only once a year.

I went ice skating last Friday, which was interesting. I am not very good, and so I had to hold Austin's hand the entire time to keep from falling down. I did manage to knock a person down on accident. I felt horrible. Ice skating is not my forte.

I bought something at a store today and was given a little handout thing. It had a "Countdown to a Perfect Christmas" on it. I had to stop and think about that for a few minutes. How sad! A "perfect" Christmas??? What does that look like? It makes Christmas sound like something you are graded on - like a contest. What happens if your Christmas isn't perfect? I just think about how much us humans have twisted everything. We make Christmas into something that is all about ourselves and how we feel. I hate that. We want a perfect Christmas so we can feel good about ourselves and pleased with our efforts. It makes me really sad.

It's really not about us at all. It's about the King of the Universe who humbled Himself so much that he was born in human form, in humble and extremely modest conditions, among sinners roaming the Earth. And He did it all out of love for a people who He created, but lost sight of Him. He did it to bring that people back to Himself by giving His own life for them. And we think Christmas is about a tree, some prettily wrapped presents and a turkey? What happened?

Well, I think I am going to go find something to do. Have a wonderful evening.


Monday, November 26, 2007

Growing Up

So, I'm just going to say it: I really miss freshman year.

Last night, I went to Anna's house to plan the Christmas party. After planning, we went to Catherine's room because we wanted to watch a video we made in their dorm room freshman year. I think we made it right after decorating our rooms for Christmas. We recorded ourselves dancing around to a Britney Spears Christmas song. It's hilarious, and could probably be used as blackmail.

We got sad after watching the video because we remembered how much fun we had.

We were dorks, and didn't care.

We would say "Howdy!" to every stranger we would pass on campus. Actually, we would yell it. If they didn't respond, we'd inform them, "You have to say 'howdy!' back!"

We would break into the boys' dorm and blow air horns, then run out before the RAs could find us.

One day, we took the Number 01 bus to Sbisa because we didn't want to walk from South Side because we thought it was really far. It took about an hour.

We didn't have cars so one day, Catherine and I walked to Barnes & Noble from the dorm just to buy a book. I think it started raining on the way back.

I miss eating in Rumours for almost every meal, because it had the best food on campus. One time, it started pouring while we were eating, so Catherine and I made umbrellas out of the plate covers. They didn't really work.

We had a lot of fun.

I miss it.

On a different note, Thanksgiving was great. The food was amazing. I think it's my favorite kind of food in the world! The ham is actually my favorite part. I don't know where it's from, but it's amazing. I'm drooling right now.

I got to meet a lot of family members that I didn't even know existed.

I got to talk to my dad about money during the break too, which was really good. He is very good with money, and I found out that our family has been debt-free for the past 20 years. I think that is incredible! My mom doesn't work, and there are five of us girls. I think that's pretty amazing that my dad is able to do that. I have a lot of respect for him! I learned a lot about investing (that's the secret) and saving. We came up with a plan for me to save continually once I start working.

Slowly and surely, I am becoming an adult. It's really weird. I expected growing up to happen the day you graduate from college. One day, you're still a kid, the next, you're a grown-up and you do grown-up things.

That's not really how it happens, thankfully.

You learn a little each day.

One day, you learn how to go to the doctor's all on your own.

One day, you learn what to do if the air in your tires gets low (I probably learned this later than most).

One day, you learn to take care of yourself when you are sick, or to suck it up and get on with life instead of staying home and watching tv.

One day, you learn how to set up an account with the gas company.

One day, you learn that you aren't so young anymore.

It's a slow process, and it happens gradually.

Your friends start pairing off and getting engaged and getting married right in front of your eyes, faster than you would like.

They get that "Mrs." in front of a new last name. Soon, they'll start having babies. Their own families.

Then you have to start choosing whose family to spend the holidays with.

It's really weird.

One day, that will be me. I'll be a grown-up.

Until then, I continue to learn a little bit each day and allow God to slowly mold me into the woman He wants me to be. I'm okay with that.


Sunday, November 18, 2007

Fun Things Like Families

I've just been reading the blog of a family who is going to adopt a baby (or possibly two). They already have biological children, but they are considering adopting some more little kiddos. It makes tears form in my eyes just reading their story. I don't even know this family.

Who would have thought that in college I would be thinking about issues like adoption? Not me, that's for sure. In my mind, I thought adoption was only something you thought about if you couldn't have children yourself. I thought it came through trains of thought like this:

"Well, I can't have kids of my own... so I guess that means I'll adopt them. Sign me up."

I never thought about things that needed to be considered before adopting: Where would you get the money to adopt a child? It certainly isn't free. Is your house big enough for a child? Would your car be big enough? And what about the emotional side of it all? Plus, you still have to be picked for adoption.

I guess in my head I imagined it to be like a store. You go to the adoption center and pick out a kid, then you take it home with you and shower it in wonderful gifts and such.

Good grief.

I was just a little bit clueless.

Going to college has made me think a little more about adoption. I go to a church where a handful of families have adopted - I can think of five adopted kids off the top of my head. They are all just so precious. Seeing all these little bodies running around has made me think about adoption more. Something about it stirs my heart. I don't know if that's something God would ask me to do, but I'm definitely not opposed to it.

God is doing a lot to change my thinking on things. Especially regarding family issues. I am kind of a control freak, and I like to take things into my own hands. I am this way with a lot of stuff. I used to have my whole life planned out. Get married straight after college. Work full-time at some great job, have two or three well-behaved children somewhere in there, live an easy life, tell people about Jesus somewhere in there too, and then retire in a nice house in a nice, safe neighborhood. It's such an American idea of a "good life".

Now, my thinking is a little different. God has slowly begun to change my thinking. First of all, I am to serve and follow my husband wherever God calls him. It's not really for me to decide. Of course we will talk about things and pray about things, but ultimately, he has the last word. In a world where women are supposed to be mighty and powerful do-it-all superwomen, that's hard to think about.

And once you get married, your primary job as a wife is to not only serve your husband but raise and nurture your children. If your full-time job is getting in the way of this, then something's gotta go. There are priorities that aren't in the right place.

Another thing that has been going through my mind is family size. I am one of five, and I always told myself there is no way that I would have five kids. It's too crazy, too much work, too expensive. I mean, I want my kids to be able to wear designer clothing and have their own sets of toys, unlike me who wore some hand-me-downs and had to share. I want my kids to have the best of the best. I want to send them all to college without financial problems. I want to spoil them rotten. And I don't want to drive a minivan.

Well, not really.
But you know what I mean. I was just thinking about myself and my perfect American life.

I'll be honest, I still don't want to drive a minivan, but who cares? You gotta do what you gotta do.

I shouldn't put limits on what God wants to do. He may want me to have a big family one day. I just have to throw my hands up and say "ok, Lord!" and do it to the best of my ability, for His glory. There is a couple at my church who have seven kids under the age of 10. SEVEN KIDS! They are all so beautiful. And well-behaved. I have fun just looking at them all. Somehow, she gets them to sit down and eat their food all at the same time. They are some pretty cool kids, too. God has provided for that family in awesome ways! They have not had any problems financially caring for their children. God is so faithful!

I just love how God changes my heart and mind about things. I'm not close to getting married and I'm certainly not close to having children, but it's cool to me that God has placed these things to think about in my life.

Does anyone else have thoughts like these? I feel like I'm kind of weird for thinking about this. I have also been thinking about birth control, but that's a whole other thing to get into. Haha. Anyways, I just thought I'd throw those thoughts out there.

I hope everyone has been having a good weekend! I have had a lot of fun myself. I went to BQ Ball on Friday night and had a blast. Here are a few pictures from the dance:

B-Company '08 and dates

Me and Austin! I just wish we were looking at the same camera.

B-Co '08 all decked out

...and dates.

So that's about it. Until next time, cheerio.


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

La La La

I'm done for 11 days. Well, kinda. I still have projects to work on and such. But no more class until the 26th. I can't believe I actually get a Thanksgiving break this year!

I just looked through my closet and realized how much old stuff I have in there that I never wear. Particularly my skirts. In high school, I wore short skirts. I didn't think much of it because I went to an all-girls school and I didn't have to worry about boys. I put on some of my shorter skirts for fun tonight, and almost threw up. I can't believe I ever wore anything that short. And they weren't even slutty-short. In high school, my friends told me that I could "get away with it" because I was (and still am) short. I wish someone would have told me to stop buying stupid skirts. I am taking all my old clothes to Goodwill soon. They're taking up valuable closet space.

This Friday is BQ Ball. My first corps event to attend, really. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to wear my Ring Dance dress, although if anyone else is my size (0-2) and has some fun dresses, let me know. I'm going for classy and sophisticated, so if you have a fluffy prom-like dress, don't call me. I'm not really into all that frilly cupcake stuff. I actually really want to wear this other dress that I have. It's not formal, though, so I can't really do that. I've just never worn it before and it fits me really well. Also, I have no idea how to do my hair. Pooooo on having curly hair. Any ideas? I wish my hairdresser lived here. I don't really want to look like Goldilocks or Shirley Temple. I don't want a fro, either.

Have anyone else's allergies been really bad recently? I have been sneezing like crazy and my eyes are watering a lot.

Well, I'm bored. Haha. Until next time.


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Awesome Things

About an hour ago or so I woke up from a nap. I had some crazy dreams, let me tell you. They contained dragons and some weird spell, and Austin was there with his truck. I think we were about to drive across the country with my grandpa. My mind is so strange.

Today I cooked lunch for Austin. It was so fun! I made homemade chicken pot pie and brownies for dessert. Well, I cheated with the brownies. That was all Betty Crocker. It was funny because Austin had never really made anything out of a box before, except for Ricearoni, so I taught him how. I pretended I was teaching a class of middle school students, but I don't think he really appreciated it. ;-) He also taught me that Folger's coffee is actually very good, and it costs about a million dollars less than regular coffee. I was very skeptical to try the Folger's, but Austin insisted that it was great. I bought some Pumpkin Spice coffee creamer to help me feel better about it, but I should have trusted him. Folger's is great, and the creamer made it that much better. (Austin begs to differ. He says it steals the coffee's soul.)

I made a 95 on my research paper. Sorry, I don't mean to brag, but I had never written one before, so I am dang proud of that.

I also made a 97 on my thematic lesson plan. It was the first lesson plan I'd ever written. I'm proud of that, too.

I hope you don't feel bad about yourself after I tell you that I get 11 days off for Thanksgiving. After Wednesday, it's no more school until November 26th for me! I don't have class on Thursdays and Fridays, and all my teachers canceled classes for next week... so... :-)

Tonight, I get to go to Breakaway for the first time in about 12 years. Well, maybe a few months would be a more accurate estimation, but it sure seems like 12 years. I'm so excited. It's outside at Olsen Field. Whoop.

So, I have been compliling a list of amazing things in my head. It contains things that I love, things that are just generally awesome, and that sort of thing. Here is my list (a few things, anyways):

1. Old Navy clothes. Where else can you buy shirts for like $5? I love their sales. I am going to buy the majority of my winter clothes from there, I think. I went there yesterday and bought a few items, but I will have to get Carolyn to inspect them for cool-ness. She is my fashion expert. I'm just so tiny that things have a tendancy to either swallow me or just hang in a really awkward way on my body. Another reason I love Old Navy - their jeans fit me.

2. Nail buffer blocks. They keep your nails looking great, like you just had a manicure (paint clear polish over them after using the block). They also help your nails to grow faster. I swear by them - that's what finally helped me to stop biting my nails.

3. Betty Crocker Chocolate Chunk Brownies. They are the best boxed brownies I've found.

4. Leaf blowers. I don't actually have one, but if I did, it would be on this list. I was sweeping my sidewalk today and thought about how awesome and fun a leaf blower would be. It's going on my Christmas wish list.

5. Brocato hair products. I swear by these. I use the Saturate shampoo and conditioner, as well as the Curlkarma curl energizer (don't make fun of me) and the Holdon hair gel. Vavoom! "Hold My Body" (yeah, I know) forming gel also works great. If you have curly hair, you should definitely try these.

6. Neutrogena Concentrated Hand Cream. I don't normally use hand cream, but in the winter my hands do tend to get dry. It's my favorite chapped hand remedy. I can't remember if they sell it in this country... I'm pretty sure they do. I discovered it in England, though.

7. Q-tips. They are indespensible.

8. Clinique Mascara and Cream Eyeliner. The mascara costs a few bucks more than the stuff you can buy at the grocery store, but it is so much better and lasts forever. It's a much better deal. I also love the Cream Eyeliner. It comes in a little pot and has a tiny brush to put it on. I love it. It has lasted me for almost a year now, and I am no where near close to using it all up.

9. Ross King's music. Amazing. I bought two CDs at the concert - I highly recommend his most recent album, "Perhaps I've Said Too Much." It's very thought-provoking. Austin and I are now huge fans.

10. Fazoli's small spaghetti with meat sauce. Dinner for $3.56. You can't go wrong. Plus they give you a ton of pasta. And free bread sticks.

Well, my sister is heading over now, so I should be on my way. We're getting dinner together.

Today has been a wonderful day. I hope you have all enjoyed it, too!


Sunday, November 11, 2007

New Life

Two of my friends got engaged today, and I was able to watch. It was so precious and I am so excited for them! Congratulations, Ryan and Erin!!!!

So the Ross King concert was fabulous. I loved being outside at night in downtown Bryan, with a bunch of people of ALL ages. We had old people. We had middle-aged people. We had families. We had college people. We had kids. We had newborns. It was a great concert. I loved it! I am listening to Ross's new CD right now, and it is awesome. So real and honest. And a little controversial. If you listen to it, you will know what I mean. One of my favorite songs on the CD is the song "Fool" - Ross wrote it for his wife, Staci. It is just beautiful.

Today, I saw people being real. I often wonder what a stranger would think if they walked in on our church on Sunday nights. If they would have walked in tonight, they would have seen honesty. They would have seen tears. They would have seen brokenness. We talked about 2 Corinthians 3:5-6:

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

We talked about new life, and the way that as Christians, we are able to minister to each other and speak life and truth to each other. We talked about finding our sufficiency in Christ. After our pastor talked a little bit about this, he asked to hear from us. Many people stood up and shared what was going on in their lives. They were completely vulnerable and honest. We had people confessing that they didn't know where God was; that He seemed distant. Almost the entire church confessed that they were broken to some degree. We prayed for each other, one by one, and then Ross prayed over the entire body.

I love seeing the church be honest. Be real. Be open. If you can't be honest at church, then something is wrong. It seems that in so many churches, we feel like we have to put on our happy face on Sunday. We put on our best outfit, put on a smile, and pretend like everything is ok.

What is wrong with us?????????

It just makes me sad that there are so many broken people walking around in the church, and no one knows.

I could talk a lot about this, but I need to get ready for bed.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful week.


Friday, November 09, 2007

Wait, What?

A few minutes ago, I realized I had nothing to do. Well, nothing to do immediately.

I looked around me, and sat on my bed, tried to call my sister, and checked my email a couple of times before resorting to Facebook stalking.

It was weird.

I haven't had nothing to do for a while, so it's a relieving feeling. This week has been absolutely insane. I've thought about just bursting into tears and crying a couple of times, but I didn't have time for that. So I just kept on truckin'. I have been exhausted almost every day, weak and tired, but God has continually given me strength. He has never let me down.

Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.
Psalm 54:4

You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.
Psalm 18:35

Isn't that beautiful?

I love the fact that God stoops down, to our level, in order to make us great.

I praise the Lord for rest and breath and peace. He is so faithful and gives me more than I ever deserve!

Tonight, I am going to a Ross King concert in downtown Bryan. It's absolutely free. I'm pretty excited, because I don't get out much. I went to see a movie last night for the first time since the summer. Ok, that's a lie, because I saw The Kingdom a few months ago. But still, I don't get out much. And Ross King is amazing. He is the worship pastor at my church, and he is very real and genuine.


I don't know what else to say.

I think I'll go watch The Office from last night again.


Sunday, November 04, 2007


Today I am singing songs of praise
for God's provision
His amazing grace
things to look forward to
and family members I haven't seen in four years.

Today I am thanking God for
blessings bigger than I deserve
the little things
that take away the busyness
and give me just enough extra time
to be peaceful
and rest
and know that He is God.

Today I am smiling because
I got eleven hugs this morning
and finished a big project
just in time
to see an amazing person
for a little bit

Today I am going to sleep
knowing that I am loved
a daughter of the King.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Get Your Feet Massaged

...That's what the "promise" on the wrapper of my Dove Promise said. I don't really understand how that is a promise, but it is a good idea. Foot massages are good. I think that Promises should have nice things that you are supposed to do for others inside. For example, instead of "Get your feet massaged" it should say, "Give someone a foot massage." It sounds better. I just opened another one, and it said, "Go to your special place." Hahaha... what does that mean...??? I think that Dove Promises are my new favorite candy. So if you want to give me something yummy to eat, you can give me a few of those. It's the American version of Galaxy chocolate. No, seriously, I think it's the same company. Check it out:

Speaking of candy, did everyone have a fun and safe halloween? I had a lot of fun! I went with Austin to take his Fish trick-or-treating in the dorms. They were crazy and people got a kick out of their costumes (which weren't all appropriate). My favorite were the Smurfs. They painted themselves light blue, held flowers, and sang a song if you told them to. Hilarious! After that, Austin and I studied for the rest of the night, giving out candy to anyone who came to my front door.

I went to HEB today because I had no bread, and my turkey was slimy. That's a different story alltogether. Anyways, I got SO EXCITED because guess what?! ALL THE CHRISTMAS STUFF WAS OUT!!!!! There's peppermint mocha coffee creamer, egg nogg, and all the other seasonal stuff that is great and fantastic. I got very giddy inside and smiled real big by the milk and yogurt section. I got home, and got even more excited, because my Creme Brulee coffee creamer was all gone, and this means I can buy something Christmasy the next time I go. Whoop.

Ok, this next subject is a little touchy, and maybe I shouldn't say anything. But I will anyways. Now maybe it's just me, but I think girls with hairy toes need to do something about it. Personally, I shave any hair off my toes that appears there, because I don't want to look like a Hobbit. Something about hair on girls' toes is just wrong. Maybe every other girl on this planet is ok with hair on their toes, but not me. It's just weird. There was a girl on the bus yesterday with really hairy toes, and it made me shudder. I wanted to go up to her, put my arm around her shoulder, and say, "Sweetie, the hair on your big toes is bothering me. Can you remove it for me? I'll even do it myself if I have to." On a side note, I just typed in "hairy toes" on Google images, and almost vomited due to the horrible pictures that came up. SICK. Anyways, if you're a girl, and you have hairy toes, I won't judge you for it. I may think it looks kinda weird, but you'll still be my friend. As long as you're ok with your hairy toes, then great. However, I'll continue to shave mine.

So it's 2:32 and I have not taken a shower yet. I probably should go do that. I hope everyone has a Terrific Thursday.


Monday, October 29, 2007


That video is just for fun. :)

I had a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks (I know, I'm a traitor) earlier tonight, so I feel too awake to go to sleep right now. I also feel too full of thoughts.

Occasionally I get like this.

My room feels cozy and quiet, and I'm here, just sitting.



Do you want to know what is going through my head? I'll tell you.

1. The other night, Austin and I watched The Dead Poets Society. I don't want to spoil the movie for you if you've never seen it, so don't read any further if you don't want me to. There is one character in the movie, a high school student, whose father is extremely demanding and hard on him. He has his son's life planned out -- he will be a lawyer (I think?? Or maybe a doctor? I can't remember), and earn lots of money -- and he wants his son to stop his extracurricular activities so he can focus on his goals. The son, however, loves the theater, and wants to be an actor. He ends up being in a play without his father's knowledge, and once the dad finds out, he is furious. The son finally can't take it anymore, so he commits suicide. At this part in the movie, I turned to Austin and said, "That's a perfect example of what God doesn't want parents to do, as talked about in Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. It made me so sad to see a boy so upset over his father's orders that he wanted (and succeeded) to end his own life. It makes me think about what kind of parent God wants me to be. I know - more parenting talk. I know that my posts seem to be all about parenting these days. It's important! I want to make sure that I don't exasperate my children. I should not overwhelm them with goals and things that I want them to accomplish, but let God work in them and help them grow into the little people He intended for them to be. I believe that my parents have done an excellent job at this (thanks, Mom and Dad!). They haven't ever discouraged me from doing anything that I've wanted to do, and they haven't pressured me into a career or major. I want to do the same for my own kids!

2. I have been thinking about something that our worship leader, Ross King, said in church a few weeks ago. He told a story about how he accidently stole a pen from some church he was visiting for an event or something. Later, he grabbed the pen to use it to write something, and then glanced at what was printed on it: there was the name of the church, with its motto, Striving to Please God, written underneath. Ross talked a little bit about how, although the church probably had good intentions in choosing that motto, no Christian should live their lives "striving to please God". At first, I was a little shocked and taken aback. Yes we should, I thought. But after he talked more about it, and I thought more about those words, I realized that he was right. "Strife" indicates that there is a struggle, a constant fight or competition. Living your life struggling or fighting to please God means that as a Christian, you have missed the point. You don't have to struggle to have God be pleased with you! Because of God's unconditional love and grace, there is nothing you can do to make God love you more or less. He made us! He loves His creation. Now, it is true that if we accept Jesus as our Savior, we should live to please Him and to bring glory to His Name, but that's different.

3. I am excited about the life that God has given to me. I used to be scared about the future, because it was so unknown, but now, I am really excited. I am excited about forming new relationships with people, starting a new "chapter" of my life (that sounds so cliche), serving the Body of Christ in a new area (I'm assuming), and continuing to discover God's will for my life. I'm excited about learning and growing.

4. This weekend, my dad's side of the family is having a family reunion. We're going to stay at some lodge on the lake up near Dallas. I'm really excited about it! I get to see my grandfather, my uncle and my aunt, as well as my cousin Lucy. It's been at least three years since I've seen all of them. Even though our time together will be short, I am praying that God uses it to restore those relationships. Please pray that God's love will be shown in me and my family!

5. I'm starting to get kind of tired now, and since I have to babysit in the morning, I should probably go to sleep. Goodnight, world!


Sunday, October 28, 2007

To Plan or Not to Plan

I don't use a planner.

I know, I'm in college, and you're supposed to be organized and on top of things. But to be honest, planners make me feel more disorganized, not less.

You have to remember to write assignments down in your planner, and then you have to remember to check your planner for assignments you previously wrote down.

I don't like all that mess.

So I don't use a planner.

At the beginning of each year, I will start over trying to be a "planner girl" -- I'll go out and get a planner, and I'll start to write things in it. But soon after, I realize that I don't actually accomplish anything with a planner, so I stop using it.

I bet you're all wondering how I remember everything if I don't use a planner. Well, to be honest, I just remember it. Certain details I might write down in a notebook or something, along with my class notes, but apart from that, everything is in my brain.

I don't need a planner to remind me that I have to babysit on Tuesday. Or what time. Or for how long. Or where.

It's in my brain.

I don't need a planner to tell me that I have homework due tomrorow at midnight.

It's in my brain.

I don't need a planner to tell me that I am going to have dinner with a friend on Tuesday.

That's in my brain, too.

Sometimes, though, I will write lists of things I need to do, and stick it above my computer. This is only done, though, if my brain is a little stressed out of trying to remember and keep track of all the things I have to do. One by one, I'll cross them off until the whole list is crossed off. I threw away a list about 30 minutes ago. It inspired me to write this post.

Well, I'm out, because I'm going to the Station to finish writing my research paper, that is due tomorrow night.

I didn't need a planner to tell me that.


Friday, October 26, 2007

I Am Going to Need a Space Heater Pretty Soon

College Station is so beautiful this time of year.
Oh wait, just kidding. It's not.
I just realized that there is a huge rainbow on my wall. I wonder what is causing it. It starts at the drawer of my desk and goes all the way up the wall, across the ceiling, down the wall again, and it stops at my other desk drawer. It's kind of mesmerising.

54 out of my 574 facebook friends are either engaged or married. That's five up from last week, I think. I have a feeling there will be a huge surge in the number of engagements soon. Probably around the time of Christmas. It's such a magical, sentimental and romantic time of year... there's lights everywhere... you get to make hot chocolate and snuggle... why wouldn't you get engaged? :-P haha.

I am absolutely overwhelmed with how God provides for me, even in the little things. Money is tight right now for me, and I thought I would be eating peanut butter and jelly for ever meal for the next month. Last night I prayed about it a lot, and was confident that God would continue provide for me. After all, He tells us not to worry about what we will eat or what we will wear. He's going to take care of it! I was at the grocery store helping Carolyn to buy some stuff this afternoon (she's broke too) and I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. I don't understand why most people don't answer the phone if they don't know the number. I always always do! It's kind of exciting - you never know who it's going to be! It turned out being a lady from my church who just gave birth to her second daughter. She had heard from some other ladies in the church that I like to babysit and that I'm free a lot during the days. I told her that it was true, and then she told me, "Great! I'll be calling you a LOT then." I got a babysitting job for Tuesday, which is perfect, because next week is going to be really slow as far as homework goes.

I almost started dancing in the middle of the chip aisle, but I didn't. I just smiled and thanked God for His constant provision. Now I can pay for gas and my sister and I will be able to eat for the next month! Yay! :)

I think I'm going to go shave my legs now. Gotta prepare for No-Shave November! Just kidding, that was the grossest thing I've ever done.


Thursday, October 25, 2007

So, You're the Guy Who Turned Out a Lover

Hi. I have that song stuck in my head...

I finished all my work last night, and my room is starting to look cleaner. Well, kind of. Maybe part of it is that I don't really want to clean my room right now.

I just discovered a new staple that I am going to add to my food: I think they are Tyson breaded chicken breast fillets. 18 minutes in the oven, add a bun and some mayo and ketchup, and then you have a wonderful chicken sandwich. At just over a dollar per fillet, that is a pretty cheap meal. You can keep them in your freezer, so they stay good for a long time. Plus, they have 19 grams of protein per serving. Boy, do I need that right now. (Mom, you should start buying these to keep at home - everyone will love them, I promise.) But note: only Target, Albertsons and Kroger carry them.

I'm excited about the Hall tonight. I never thought I'd say that, and those who know me think I'm crazy that I go dancing at the Hall now. I used to think it was a scary place, and that random guys would come and dance up on you. But no. Not if you go with the right people. They will protect you! Haha. I just go two-stepping with Austin and some of his buddies. It's a lot of fun, and it's pretty stress relieving.

The Office is only 30 minutes long tonight. Sad day.

I have a coupon so I can save $4 on one 8-pack of toilet paper. That's a lot!!!!!! Do you know how stinkin expensive toilet paper is? The last time I bought toilet paper, it cost me $9.99. And I got like 16 rolls or something like that. Seriously, toilet paper should not be that expensive. I know you pay more to get extra absorbant or extra soft, but come on -- you wipe your rear end with it and then flush it down the drain. That's all. I bet there are big bucks in the toilet paper industry because everyone uses it. EVERYONE. If toilet paper were like $20 per package, people would still buy it. Well, maybe not. If it was that expensive, I would probably switch to leaves. Maybe I should just switch to leaves. It would save me a ton of money each month. What did people use before toilet paper? That's just gross to think about. I know that Romans had sponges on sticks that they carried around their waists... and I think some people in Asia use their left hand... SICK. I love toilet paper.

I felt like an idiot walking outside this morning. It was like 46 degrees, so I wore a coat and a long sleeved shirt underneath. But then I noticed that most people were not wearing coats. One dude even had just a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops on. So I felt like a wimp or something. But it was COLD!

My Bible study starts in 30 minutes, so I should probably get going.

Peace, love, and chicken breast fillets--


Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Coming Up For Air

I think that the cleanliness of my room is a good indicator on how my life is going. The more stuff that's not put away, the more papers on the floor, and the more drinks left on my desk and nightstand, the busier and preoccupied I am.

My room is very very messy right now.
The length and frequency of my posts are also good indicators. Which is why I'm ending this one now!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Observant Children and Joint Checking Accounts

Today I heard the song "Watching You" by Rodney Adkins. In the song, the father talks about how his little boy watches him and does what he does.

The dad cusses under his breath, and then later the son does, too. The father asks his son where he learned to talk like that, and the son says, "I've been watching you, Dad."

Then the dad goes to the barn to pray and ask God to give him direction in raising his son. So that night, as he's tucking his son into bed, the boy gets down on his knees and prays. The dad asks his son where he learned to pray like that, and again, his son answers, "I've been watching you, Dad."

It made me think a lot about how hard it must be to be a parent! To have young children watching everything you do and taking note of everything you say. Children are very affected by what their parents do.

What a responsibility!

It must be so hard to not say words like "stupid" if you don't want your children saying stuff like that. You have to continually examine yourself and your actions and speech as a parent.

But what an opportunity it is!

If you are living your life for Christ, your child will pick up on that.

Your child could see you spending time in the Word and praying, and realize that your relationship with God is important (and should be your biggest priority!). If you say or do something you shouldn't, they can see you apologize for your actions/words and explain to them why it was wrong. They can watch (and help) you serve others within the church or the community, sharing God's love and grace with them. They can also watch how you interact with your husband/wife and hopefully see the the love that Christ has for the Church. How wonderful is that!?

You can set an example by what you wear (I'm talking about modesty here), how you react in stressful situations, what you do when you're angry, how you use any free time you may have (ha), how you spend your money, your views and attitudes towards the Church, the music you listen to... etc. The list continues!

Obviously I do not have kids, so I am not experienced in this area at all. I was just thinking about these things, and those were some of my thoughts.

* * * * *
Does anyone else think it will be weird to have a joint checking account with someone else (when you get married)? I thought about that today and was a little weirded out. I know that some people don't have joint checking accounts when they get married, and to be honest, I think that's wrong. God's plan was for the two to becoming one, and I don't think He meant that just physically.

Mark 10:7-8 says:

'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one.

The first part of those verses is referring to Genesis 2:24, and it is what God says after He creates Eve for Adam. In a different translation of the Bible, the words "and cleave to his wife" are used instead of "be united to his wife". Literally, this means 'to glue to' or 'to adhere'. And the word "one" at the end of verse eight literally means 'one human being'.

Husband and wife are to act as one human being.

Which is why I think it makes sense to have a joint checking account. The husband shares everything he has with his wife, and the wife shares everything she has with her husband.

Thinking about this concept in terms of the Church is beautiful!

I think we are so consumed with the idea that, "What I earn for myself, I deserve and it should be mine and mine alone." We are all about being private and independent.

Maybe that's why a lot of married couples think they should only be spending what they themselves earn.

If I had that mindset, and if I end up being a mom for a living, I am going to be one broke lady!

And I know I'm kind of stuck on this whole "joint checking account" idea, but the 'becoming one human being' concept doesn't end there.

Husbands and wives must agree on all levels when they decide how to manage their home.

They have to agree on how they will discipline their children.

Remember when you would ask Mom if you could do something because Dad said no?

Somehow, I don't think that's supposed to happen. First of all, if Mom and Dad are disagreeing on allowing their children to do something, that's messed up right there. Secondly, if Dad says no, his word should go. He's the head of the home.

Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
1 Corinthians 11:3

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Ephesians 5:23

God is clear that in a family, the order of authority goes: Christ, Husband, Wife.

So if Dad says something is final, then it's final. I think that if a family is functioning the way God intended it to function, then problems won't arise because Dad and Mom agree on everything, and the children respect the father's authority as the head of the family.

Just some thoughts.

So if you're getting married anytime soon, get a joint checking account. :)

* * * * *

Anyways, I'm going to go take a bath and get ready for bed. I know it's early, but I have a busy day tomorrow, including a trip to the water treatment plant!


Monday, October 15, 2007

Relationships and Such

For the first time since maybe.... March, I was cold today when I walked outside. Fall is here.

At least, I think it is, for a while. All I know is that earlier today it was sunny and warm as I was waiting for the bus, and then after lunch I walked outside to be greeted by intense rain and a cool breeze. I shivered.

I wanted a sweater.


I can't wait to wear sweaters every day!

I love the Fall.

Do you know what else I'm really ready for? This semester to be over. I'm just... not liking it. It's not bad, but I'm not in love with my classes or my schedule. It feels kind of blah, and I am just ready for a new semester. Next semester is Methods. I don't know how I feel about that, either. At least I only have stuff on three days each week: one day at A&M, two days in a school. I need to talk to Ashley to see how it is. I just hope I get a good school! I would totally stay at Sul Ross if I could.

Back to the whole weather topic.

It rained today - hard.

It was soooo beautiful! I got home after getting soaked on campus, and then opened my front door. I also opened all the blinds, put some John Mayer on, lit a candle and snuggled up to work on my homework. Austin came over to hang out while I studied, and we stayed warm and dry inside while listening to the rain falling outside. What a perfect afternoon. :)

The other night, while the band was still in Lubbock, Erin and I got to hang out (our boyfriends are roommates). We were supposed to study, but instead we ended up talking for about 4 and a half hours.

I have learned to put down whatever I am doing if there are relationships that need forming, repairing, nurturing or sustaining. It is something that God has taught me needs to be a priority in my life.

I don't think I'm really at college to get an education.

I'm here to build relationships.

I got baptized in 2004, just a few days before I came to college. A missionary from Argentina was visiting our church that day, and he asked if he could talk to the people who got baptized after church.

He told me that college would be busy for me. So busy, in fact, that he wondered if I would ever get any work done! He said that with a laugh.

I can't tell you how completely true that has been over the past three years! I really don't study that much. I meet with people. They take up most of my time.

Yet God has blessed the time that I do study, and I have decent grades.

They're not amazing, but they're good. I don't need a 4.0. I don't desire a 4.0.

My life isn't about achieving goals or being successful. I laugh because if it was, I would be failing miserably!

I am no where near successful by the world's standards.

That's not what God planned for me.

He planned for me to meet with my friends as often as I can. To put down my books if I'm studying at a coffee shop and talk instead of study.

To stop for a while if I see someone on campus instead of hurrying to class.

I am continuing to learn that I make my life about me, and that's so wrong!

I am not perfect at sustaining relationships that God has placed in my life. I'm really not good at it at all. But God has shown me that relationships are supposed to be important to me.

Pray that I will keep this perspective.

Erin hit the nail on the head as we were talking:

"This [talking and getting to know one another] is what it's all about."


Friday, October 12, 2007

luv is a verb

Who knows what I'll write right now, because I'm really hyper and full of crazy energy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

I'm eating a granola bar and listening to dc Talk. I want to learn how to early-90s dance. Like Will Smith can on the Fresh Prince. I have spent maybe the past 30 minutes jumping around my room.

I want to jump on my bed...
I just tried it, but it seems that I have gotten too tall. (Me? Tall? Ha.) My head almost hit the ceiling fan, and then it almost hit the ceiling.

I want a trampoline. When I get my own place, I'm totally buying one. I will have trampoline parties with my other adult friends. Well, the adults probably wouldn't want to jump on it. So I'll get some little kids to hang out with me, and we will have fun. We'll be less mature than the middle school kids I will be teaching.

It will be awesome.

We'll have dance parties to Kelly Clarkson.

Like I'm having right now.

I bet there is a camera somewhere in my room, filming me. Because I look pretty silly.

I'm supposed to be going to dinner with Austin, but I bet I won't be able to sit still. I might even start dancing around the restaurant. I feel energized.

I'm not really sure why, because earlier I wasn't feeling that great, and I layed on my bed for a few hours talking on the phone.

I'm not a huge fan of talking on the phone, but I called Kellie today and talked to her for a long time. It was good. I never call Kellie. I should call her more often. I also got to talk to my mom for a long time, as well as Nana.

I talked to Nana about the Christmas party.

GET READY!!!!!!!!!

Because it's coming up.

It's going to be insane this year. With more food than you can imagine.

Know why?

Because it's going to be a potluck!

Puppy chow, chex mix, cookies, brownies, wassail, hot chocolate (heck yes my famous recipe!), and all the other good stuff.

I'm PUMPED. I listened to a little bit of Christmas music earlier. Just to get in the mood. I talked about decorating Nana's house after Thanksgiving. Because this year the party will be on December 1st. MARK YOUR CALENDARS!!!!!! That was a little heads up.

I might dress up as an elf.

But probably not.

It would be funny though.

On that note, I'll sign off and continue to jump happily around my bedroom.

You should be here.


Getting Older

My sister Kellie wrote the most wonderful post in her blog today. It won't mean the same to you that it did to me, my sisters, Anna and Sarah, but maybe you will get a small glimpse into what I grew up with.

I miss being young.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Making Cheesecake and Learning to Trust God

What do you think of the new look? Eh? Eh? I love white and spring green together. Too bad it's about to be Fall... oh well!

I have a cheesecake in the oven. It's the first time I've ever made a REAL cheesecake before. With spring form pan and all. I'm just a little bit upset because I won't be able to eat it until tomorrow. It has to sit in the fridge overnight. That's why I like Jello-O's no-bake cheesecakes. They only take an hour to make and they're pretty good, too! But I made this cheesecake entirely from scratch. I even crushed up graham crackers and stuff. It'll be delicious. I also made dinner tonight - salmon fillets with a honey and soy glaze. It looked amazing, but I wasn't won over with the taste. Something tells me it needed to cook longer. Hmm. Not sure I'll try that one again.

I tend to be very critical of my own cooking.

I think I'm almost over this sickness. Really. There's not so much snot anymore, and I'm not coughing my head off every other minute. We'll see, though.

So last night I got to go to Breakaway. It makes me sad that I haven't been able to go as much this semester. I planned on it, but being sick and crazy busy has messed me up a little bit. But, last night, I was finally able to go. Everything that I've been learning about this week, God spoke through Ben. We sang "Ruin Me" (the song from my last post) after studying Luke 12:22-34. Jesus tells His followers not to worry about anything, because our Daddy in Heaven is going to take care of us.

I really needed to hear all of that


I know in my head that God will take care of me. I say it all the time.

But my heart wasn't believing it. I wasn't trusting God the way I should.

You see, I have terrible anxiety when it comes to graduating from A&M. I simply don't want to do it. If I could get an occupation as a college student, I would. I love it here.

I love being able to walk around campus. I love not having to worry about the "real world." I love having a different schedule every semester. I love being able to do random stuff when I want. I love being able to meet up with my friends for lunch. I love having [almost] everyone I love in one place.

I don't like thinking about moving away and living somewhere on my own. I don't like thinking about not being able to see my friends when I want to. I don't like thinking about getting a real job, to earn money to support myself. It doesn't appeal to me at all.

I get worried about my future, because it seems surreal and strange to me. It seems... grown up. I certainly don't feel grown up! I like dealing with college students. I don't want to deal with adults. Even if I'm going to become one.

This is where I have a hard time trusting God. I know He has a plan for me. I know He loves me unconditionally. I know He will provide for me. I know He will lead me. I know He is good. I know what He has for me is good.

But I don't want to let go of all my fear and anxiety and believe all those things. I need to let it affect me. I need that peace.

I can live day-to-day with peace, but when I think about my future, I tense up and anxiety seeps in.

That is not what God wants for me! That's what the world does: worry!

To be able to let go and let God (sorry, I know it's cliche) was amazing. I was able to say the words

Ruin my life, the plans that I've made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
Till it's You alone I live for

with all my heart.

It is freeing.

I'm excited about life.

I can't wait to see what God has for me after graduation. Because it's His plan. He is good, righteous, perfect and He created me. What better reason do I have to trust Him?

Well my friends, I am done here for right now.

Cheesecake calls.


Monday, October 08, 2007

Ruin Me

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a high and lofty throne, and His robe filled the temple. Seraphim were standing above Him; each one had six wings: with two he covered his face, with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another:
Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of Hosts;
His glory fills the whole earth.
The foundations of the doorways shook at the sound of their voices, and the temple was filled with smoke.
Then I said:

Woe is me, for I am ruined,
because I am a man of unclean lips
and live among a people of unclean lips, [and] because my eyes have seen the King,
the LORD of Hosts.
Then one of the seraphim flew to me, and in his hand was a glowing coal that he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth [with it] and said:

Now that this has touched your lips,
your wickedness is removed,
and your sin is atoned for.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying:

Who should I send?
Who will go for Us?
I said:

Here I am. Send me.

Isaiah 6:1-8

Woe to me! I am unclean!
A sinner found in Your presence!
I see You, seated on Your throne--
Exalted, Your glory surrounds You!
Now the plans that I have made
Fail to compare
When I see Your glory

Ruin my life,
The plans that I've made!
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain!
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place,
Till it's You alone I live for,
You alone I live for!

Holy, Holy, is the Lord Almighty!
Holy is the Lord!
Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty!
Holy is the Lord!

- Jeff Johnson, Ruin Me

Sunday, October 07, 2007

"You're Really Weird!"

This morning I woke up with absolutely massive bags under my eyes, with no idea as to how they got there. I could understand if I had cried myself to sleep, or gotten no sleep... but I had a pretty uneventful night (with the exception of a trip to the bathroom at 5:45). I look miserable and upset, but I assure you that I'm quite happy. We won against OSU last night and I had a wonderful day yesterday. I'm going to do some research to figure out how to get rid of swollen under-eyes. (I don't know what to call the part under my eye.)

I realized the other day that I do some pretty weird things. Most people know about my strange foot-washing rituals, but there are a few more quirks that I have that are unknown to most of my friends:

1. Every night, before I go to bed, I try to find my flattest pillow. I bought two pillows from Sam's for $10, and they are both in identical pillow cases. I sleep with one more than the other, so there's this nice indention in it. But since they look the same, sometimes I get the pillows confused. Therefore, I spend about 2 minutes trying to figure out which one is the one I use more frequently. Sometimes I lay on each of them to do this. I should just get a marker and mark it after I figure it out, but where would the mystery be in that? :)

2. I absolutely despise cutting my fingernails with my razor. This happens about twice a year, completely on accident. It happened to me today, and I wanted to rip up my shower curtain in frustration. Does this ever happen to you? Where you're shaving your legs and you move your hand away a little slower than you needed to, and SLICE, there goes a chunk off the end of your fingernail. There is no blood, no pain, but it feels so WEIRD. I think this is one of my most hated feelings in the world. I would rather stub my toe. The pain from that goes away pretty quickly, but after cutting my fingernail, my whole body feels strange for at least 15 minutes afterwards.

3. Unless I am sweating profusely, I cannot stand cold air blowing on my body, especially my face. I want to run and hide... under a warm blanket. The buses at A&M are especially bad for blowing cold air on you. There is no reason for them to have the air on that high or that cold, and yet they choose to freeze their passengers. I normally take a sweater with me if I know I have to ride the bus. The other worst thing is when there is a cold fan blowing on you (or air conditioner, I guess) while you are trying to sleep. I don't mind some fans, as long as they aren't on their highest, craziest setting, but there are some that seem to shake and look as though they are going to fall out of the ceiling, they are spinning so fast. Unnecessary! I want to put my face under the pillow, but then I can't breathe. So there's really no solution.

4. I hate answering machines. I will hang up before I the voice mail message is done. I would rather be stabbed with a pencil than deal with those things. They make me nervous and self-conscious. If I know the person I am calling really well, then it's not really a problem. But if it's someone unfamiliar, I snap my phone shut after hearing "Hi, this is ____ and I'm not here..." If I really had to leave a message, I would probably write it beforehand on a piece of paper, and then read it. I feel strange talking to a voice recorder, who is supposedly my friend whoever.

5. I have music ADD. I have no problem changing the song after 45 seconds of listening to it. Sometimes, that's just enough. Unless I love the song. Sometimes I get obsessed with songs, and then I want to listen to them 50 times in a row. But most of the time, I have ADD. When my iPod is on shuffle, I will go through about 125 songs in 30 minutes.

6. I clean my room before I study. I don't think it's a procrastination technique for me, although it is for some people. I just want my environment to be tidy and orderly when I hit the books. I can't concentrate when I know that there are things that aren't in their right places.

Well, I should probably go and put some makeup on or something. I still look like I've been bawling my eyes out.

That's the end of the list for right now. If y'all can think of anything else I do that's weird, feel free to add it. Haha! :)

Peace out

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Ode to Z-packs

I know I haven't written in a week. I've been sick, so it's a legitimate excuse. I actually have bronchitis and sinusitis. I finally went to see the doctor yesterday, and he gave me a Z-pack. I think it is helping, because yesterday I was laying on the couch all day, and today I went to class. In fact, I woke up at 6 am and have been going and going all day. I took a quick one hour nap so I wouldn't die, but apart from that, I've been ok.

Yay for antibiotics. In England, they probably wouldn't have given me those.

"Just drink lots of water, take some paracetamol (a British painkiller) and get some rest. You'll be fine."

I was actually told that the last time I went to the doctor for a sinus infection in England. I don't know how I survived in that country...

So the Z-pack is helping, and all I do now is cough up phlegm and blow my nose constantly. I probably have dried boogers hanging out of my nose. At this point, I don't care a whole lot because there's not a lot I can do about it. I carry a roll of toilet paper around in my purse. My nose is raw. It hurts when I blow it. I need some extra moisturizing lotion or something to help that.

I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about my nasty sickness.

So I'll stop.

The other day, Carolyn and I were driving down Texas, and we saw some old people holding a sign... something against capital punishment, I think. That was all. One sign, four old people. It made me think of the song "Belief" by John Mayer:

Is there anyone who ever remembers
Changing their mind
From the paint on a sign?

It's so true. Carolyn and I were joking about reading that sign and thinking, "Oh! Yeah! No more capital punishment! It's so wrong!"

So I'm not getting into a discussion on my views of capital punishment, but I don't think anyone is really going to change their position on the issue just by looking at someone holding a sign.

It's like the abortion rallies. Is that really going to make women stop getting abortions? I personally think that is the complete wrong thing to do. I sadly admit that I used to stand in front of our church when I was little and hold signs protesting abortion. Saying that it was murder and that it was sin. I was pretty young, so I didn't really know what I was doing. But now, I think about the message that that was sending. I can imagine being a woman who had had an abortion. I would probably see those signs and feel very guilty about it. I would probably already be feeling guilty, but seeing those signs would make me feel worse. Seeing a bunch of people in front of a church would make me think that I wasn't welcome in the church because of what I had done. I would probably keep the abortion a secret, hiding guilt and shame from those who are supposed to be representing the love, mercy and grace of Jesus Christ.

It's so twisted.

I wish that Christians didn't do so much of the stuff we do. We dispense so much ungrace, and the world doesn't see Christ. It sees condemnation and judgement.

We call homosexuals fags and say they are headed to hell.

Oh, that'll make them want to be straight.

And it'll sure make them want to go to church and seek a loving, forgiving and life-changing God.

I just want to cry when I think about the image we are sending to the world.

I guess if I want to see Christians change the way they treat others, I need to start with myself, because I'm certainly not perfect.

Well, I need to go now because I'm pretty tired, and I'm still sick, so I need rest to recover.

Thank you all for your prayers. God is good!


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wasting Time

Well, I'm left alone because Austin came over and then had to leave suddenly about 5 minutes later. Important corps stuff.

I guess I'll blog until he comes back... if he comes back at all!

So today I had observation at an elementary school in Bryan. Last week was my first week, and so I was excited to see all the kids again. There was this one cute little boy in one of the classes that I really liked. He was always eager to answer questions and always paying attention, but still liked to joke around. I didn't catch his name, though.

Today was picture day, and so we took all the students into the gym to get their photos taken. As I was standing with the current class my teacher person was with, I saw the little boy from the other class (she teaches them later in the morning) standing against the wall. I got excited and wanted to wave or something, but then noticed that under the huge jacket he had on was... a dress. Then I noticed his black ballet flats. And his earrings.

He was definitely a She.

At first I thought that the kid had a twin sister, but on closer inspection I realized that I had misidentified the sex of the poor child.

I think that might be the first time in my life that I have done that.

Her name is Brittany.

Sorry, Brittany.

So that was pretty embarassing.

I also learned today how awful it is to work with someone who is constantly complaining and whining. There is a girl who also observes the same teacher as me, who is doing her Methods (what I'll do next semester). She whined and complained today non-stop, about silly things. I tried to be upbeat and positive, but I couldn't help think that she might kill me with the stapler (which was the main source of her frustration). She also kept thinking that the kids were annoying and out of control.

How is she going to survive teaching?

Since it was picture day, there was a box of plastic combs available if kids wanted to brush their hair. The boys (ages 10 and 11, remember) were taking them and combing their hair. Nothing bad there. Then, after their pictures, they would sit down quietly against the wall like they were told, and do goofy things with thier combs, like stick them in their hair so they would stay. Personally, I thought it was funny and laughed along with them, but the other girl kept getting mad and telling them off. If the boys had been disruptive, loud and annoying, that would have been a different story. But they weren't. I personally saw no problem with it. I just let her do her thing, though.

Right now I'm making a cheesecake. It's one of those pre-packaged no-bake ones, but I'm still excited. It'll be done in about 50 minutes. I don't know what I'll do until then, because I don't know when/if Austin is coming back.

I guess I'll just sit here and... watch deleted scenes from the Office.

Speaking of The Office, it premiers tomorrow.

Heck yeah.


Sunday, September 23, 2007

Hands Down, I Win!

I got home tonight after being gone pretty much all afternoon and evening. I literally jumped in surprise when I saw this at my front door:

That's right - my sweet boyfriend had left gorgeous flowers there along with a note! I win for having the best boyfriend ever. Guys, you should take notes from Austin so you can know how to make a woman feel special. :-)

I feel kinda bad because he put the flowers there right after I went to run errands today. I even saw him at Coffee Station later but had no clue that there was a surprise at my house. I even told him that I wasn't going home after studying and instead went straight to church. Thank goodness he put water in the bag, because they probably would have been all wilted!

I am going to the game this weekend with Anna, Carolyn, Catherine and James. Maybe more people too, but I don't know. I am excited because I miss those people! Anna and Natalie came to visit me during half time when we played Louisiana-Monroe, and we got this cute picture:

I love my roommates! Even though I don't actually live with them anymore, I still call them my roommates. They are precious to me!

My mom came into town this weekend. I just found out on Thursday that she was coming. We had a lot of fun! She cooked last night and it made me miss her home cooking. I need to learn how to cook like that. Maybe she can give me a lesson the next time I'm home! We had a fun breakfast yesterday, too. My mom made pancakes, egg and bacon and of course we had coffee and juice. I am going to have to do that at my duplex sometime soon! Who would come have a breakfast party with me?? ASHLEY!??! ;-) We should plan that on Friday or something! What do you say?

I babysit tomorrow morning again. Precious children. I am excited, but it means that I will have to go to bed soon so I am not exhausted in the morning.

Which reminds me... I don't have sheets tonight. I tried to wash them earlier today, and the washing machine has issues so it stops whenever it spins really fast because it gets imbalanced or something. My sheets are now sitting in soapy, dirty, lukewarm water. I have tried fixing it about 20 times but it still breaks again after spinning for 4 seconds. :-/

I hope you guys had a wonderful weekend. I know I did!!!


Thursday, September 20, 2007


Austin said that should be the title of my blog. It has no meaning to this blog whatsoever.

I realize that it's been an entire week of me not writing. It's not that I didn't want to write; I always have thoughts swimming around in my head. I have just been so incredibly busy.

Wow, so I'm using Austin's laptop to type this and it's SO COOL! I want a laptop like this. It's got that whole flippy deal where you can turn the screen around and use it as a tablet, and you can write on the screen and stuff. Technology amazes me.

I must have a really small comfort zone, because I'm finding it hard to really write right now. I'm in Coffee Station, the best place on earth. Someone should give this place an award for being awesome. Maybe I will print out a certificate and frame it and then present it to the wonderful people of this establishment. They sure deserve it.

I realized tonight that I really need to be in a Bible study of some sort. It's really crazy how much I suffer when I'm not in community with others, learning about the God of the Universe. I really suffer. I can't be in a comgroup this semester because of scheduling issues, and I'm not in any other Bible studies. I'm the one leading a Bible study.

Sometimes I feel very... empty. I think that means that I need community. This semester is definitely very different for me spiritually. This summer I spent my time with people. I got to know people. I built relationships. I got to hang out with my sister almost every day and we had Bible studies. We would sit for hours and talk about God's Word. We would pray together frequently. Satan did not attack my time at all. I always had time. I always had peace. Life was very different. This semester is crazy. I don't know why. Maybe because the momentum is so different, and I don't have the time to hang out with people and build relationships like I did this summer. It makes me really sad, and I know that I am suffering because of it. I want the summer back.

Ashley, as well as a lot of my friends, gets her Aggie Ring tomorrow. I am so so so excited for her! It is such an exciting and fun day. I wear my ring every day with pride. I am watching it glisten and shine right now, actually. Gorgeous. I hope to go with Ashley when she gets her ring. I want to be there to take pictures and jump up and down and cry and hug... haha. My mom is also coming in tomorrow afternoon. It's kind of sad, because my parents weren't able to come for my Ring Day. I wish they could have been there. I think they came the next day, though.

I want to take my mom to Coffee Station. She has been up here about a million times since I started coming here, but not once has she been able to come to the Station. It is a shame. A crying shame. We will have to plan something fun to do on Saturday. My mom doesn't come here much. It's quite sad.

I'm sorry, none of this stuff is very interesting. I am slightly distracted and very aware of my surroundings. There's three strangers sitting with me and Austin, and I feel not... with it. I need to be in my room, alone, when I write.

Are you every just suddenly reminded of your childhood, or a past memory or something? Certain smells do that to me. For example, the smell of earthworms does that to me (among other smells). I thought I smelled that the other day, and I was reminded of being a child. After it would rain really hard, my mom would let us go play outside in the river that was running to the bottom of the cul-de-sac. Where does that word come from, anyways? I bet it's French. Anyways, we would go wading in the water, and at the bottom of the cul-de-sac there would be an accumulation of worms. We used to take buckets and put as many worms as we could find in them. They were absolutely CLUMPED together. It was gross. But we loved worms, so it didn't bother us. The smell was pretty... wormy. Smelling that smell reminds me of my childhood.

The smell of cut grass also does that to me. Whenever my dad would mow the backyard, there would be neat lines of mown grass all the way down our backyard. My sisters and I would collect it and put it in a big pile. We would either play with it, or pick it up and sprinkle it everywhere. Or throw it up in the air like confetti. That smell is still one of my favorites.

I also love the smell of maple syrup. My parents used to make whole wheat pancakes for breakfast a lot (I don't think I had normal pancakes until I was a teenager) and we would always pour maple syrup on them. Normal Aunt Jemima syrup was out of the question. It was always 100% pure maple syrup. I can taste it on my tongue right now. Mmmmm! On the odd occasion that it snowed in the wintertime, we would collect snow in cups (normally off our car hoods... gross) and then pour syrup over it and eat it in a similar fashion to a snow cone. We were weird kids. Actually, that idea came from the Little House on the Prairie books. They did that and made candy out of it. It never really worked for us, though.

I just asked Austin what other smells remind him of his childhood. He said "medicine." I immediately thought of amoxicillin when he said that. I loved that stuff! It was thick and pink, not unlike Pepto-Bismol. It tasted really good. Whenever one of my sisters was sick, we would get a bottle of that stuff and stick it in the fridge. Every time I would open the fridge, I would see it sitting there and get jealous that I couldn't have any of it. My mom should be glad that I wasn't a really bad kid. Otherwise, I would have taken that whole bottle, hidden somewhere (probably behind a chair, in a closet or under a table) and guzzled it. Yum. Then I probably would have died.

So there's a little picture into my childhood. It was a good time.

Today I got iced coffee from McDonald's (inspired by Ali's most recent post). It was good, but I felt guilty for not going to Coffee Station. I spent $1.69 that could have gone to my friends here. They gave me a lot of coffee though, and it was pretty good. I might go back if I'm ever far away from College Station.

Well, it's past midnight and I am bored of writing now. I hope you all enjoyed my ramblings!


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Chillin' on a Thursday Night

Have you ever noticed how every semester has a different momentum? I never know what to expect until after the first week or so of school. It's after the first one or two weeks that I know whether I'll love the semester or not.

I'm not really sure if I love this semester yet.

I know, I know, I'm at the end of my third week.

I should know by now.

But I really don't. So far, it's not horrible. With two night classes, however, I'm not having the time of my life. My days are pretty calm. Well, I guess they were calm until I got 6 babysitting jobs in the course of about a week. Now they will be a little more full. But in general, they're not too busy.

I have something every evening/night of the week, so it's hard to do a lot of things with friends. I have found nice relaxing moments here and there, though.

I want to get settled into a semester routine. I like it when things get going and I have a little routine that I do. Not a really strict one, just one where I know what I do on different days. I feel a little too spontaneous right now.

It'll settle down, I hope.

Right now I'm making chocolate chip cookies for Austin. From scratch, I might add. Baking is a lot of fun! Especially when you bake for a special person. :) Tonight we are having movie night instead of going to the Hall. It's been a tiring day for both of us and we need some relax time. I'm listening to John Mayer as I wait for Austin to get here with the movie and baking soda. My cookies aren't complete without it!

I'm really excited about the Bible study I am co-leading this semester. It's an all-girls study on Intimacy with God. We are going to be looking at intimacy as described in Psalms, so it's pretty cool. Tonight we had 7 girls. That's a good number. I like smaller groups. Raquel taught this week, and so I get to teach next time. Please pray for me. Whenever I God places me in leadership positions similar to this, I go through a lot of spiritual warfare. Satan knows exactly how to bring me down and make me ineffective. Please pray that I will claim my power and authority in Christ and that Satan will be bound and unable to feed me the lies that he is. He attacks my energy level and my emotions. He makes me anxious and robs me of the joy I have in Christ. He places fear in my heart and takes away the confidence God gives me. I have been thinking a lot about this verse:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7

Please pray that over my life and that the truth in those words would replace the lies that Satan has placed in my mind. Thank you!

I want to go deeper in my Bible study. I want girls to be open and honest and genuine. I know that if I desire that from the girls, I am going to have to do the same thing. It requires vulnerability on my part. Pray that I would be able to be open with these girls! I am excited about what God can do with the time we have together every week.

Well, I should probably get back to cookie baking. Austin will be here soon! :)

P.S. Have you ever looked at the images that come up if you google "chocolate chip cookies"??? Do it. It's incredible. You'll drool.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Babysitting and Blankets

I keep forgetting that there are people who actually read my blog. Maybe I should write in it more. But I honestly don't know what to write sometimes.

Like right now.

What does my life consist of?

Well, at this moment in time, I am watching/listening to an online lecture. Very dull. I don't think I should elaborate. I've been doing this almost all day.

Earlier today, however, I babysat my pastor's children. Cutest little kids ever! We had fun playing Bob the Builder. Aiden, the oldest, turned five yesterday and was given a tool kit. If I had a little boy, I would do the same thing. I love tools! All guys should have a good tool kit. That's my belief, anyways. The tools he was given were pretty nice, too - all metal and wood. He wanted to play with them, but his dad told him he was only allowed to play with the wooden mallet (= hammer to him) and the wrench. He went around the house "bolting things" and "fixing things." I let him "fix" a puzzle that his little sister Ella and I were putting together. He "fixed" a baby doll that I pretended was my child. The baby kept getting eaten by a shark, falling down stairs and hitting her head. It was tragic. She even died a couple times, but thank goodness that "Bob the Builder" was able to "fix" her.

Besides playing Bob the Builder, we read books, watched a little TV, ate some lunch and snacks, and did a puzzle 1.5 times. I was very impressed because their mother just called me to follow up on the babysitting. She wasn't there when I got there nor when I left, so I didn't get to see her. I thought it was great, though, that she called me to ask about discipline issues. I told her about the only small problem I had (those children were very well behaved) and she said she would talk to Aiden about it. The parents of children I babysat in England never asked about discipline issues. Even if they did, and I told them the kids were a little fussy, they didn't really do anything about it. It was so nice to see how godly parents handle babysitting. I've never really seen it before outside of my own family. I'm taking notes. And I'm excited because I get to babysit Aiden and Ella for the next three weeks! :)

Today I listened to a song that I found under the "Free Songs" section of my church family's worship leader's website. Wow, that was a confusing sentance. Basically, the worship leader for my church, Ross King, is a musician and makes CDs and travels around doing shows and stuff. I love the music he writes! So I was on his website today, and came across a song that he had written. You can click on this link to hear it. I started tearing up a little when I heard the lyrics. I would encourage you to listen to the song. If you can't hear what he's saying, here are the words:

I couldn’t find You in the sermons
I couldn’t find You in the songs
I couldn’t find You Sunday morning
And that’s when I knew something had gone wrong
I couldn’t see You in the reading
I couldn’t hear You in my prayers
I couldn’t feel You in my feelings
And I began to fear that You weren’t there

Then I thought I heard a sound
Somewhere in me
You said to stoop way down
And that’s where You’d be

I never thought I’d find You here
Way down in my shame and fear
I never thought that You’d draw near to this
My faithlessness
I never thought to look for You
In this ditch that I’ve been crawling through
I never thought You’d listen to the plea
Of the non-religious me

They told me they’d be praying for me
And then they showed me to the door
They made it clear that they’d ignore me
Until I wasn’t struggling anymore
That’s when I started feeling guilty
This must’ve been my fault somehow
If only I’d been stronger, maybe
I would not be in this mess right now

Then I saw a nail-scarred hand
Bleeding on me
You said, “I understand”
And You showed me mercy

I never thought I’d find You here
Way down in my shame and fear
I never thought that You’d draw near to this
My faithlessness
I never thought to look for You
In this ditch that I’ve been crawling through
I never thought You’d listen to the plea
Of the non-religious me

If we have no room for strugglers
Where are they to go for answers?
Didn’t Jesus ask His Father for another way?
And what does that say
About the way we handle
People when their faith is fragile?
Even Jesus slipped and stumbled when He
Carried the cross
Now the curse of the law is gone
And in it’s place: amazing grace

Blessed are the poor in spirit
The Kingdom will belong to them
Your love is strong but still they fear that
You would never let them in
God, I am a true believer
Help me overcome my unbelief
I stepped out on the raging water
And now I’m sinking in the sea

I never thought I'd find You here
Drowning in my shame and fear
I never thought that You’d draw near to this
My faithlessness
I never thought to look for You
In this ditch that I’ve been crawling through
I never thought You’d listen to the plea
Of the non-religious me

Anyways, I thought I would share that with you. I think we all can relate to that on some level.

Other news: I think I am going to start collecting blankets. If you know me, you know that I love cuddling up on the couch with a nice blanket. I'm pretty much always cold. Well, I don't really have any blankets other than a fleece A&M one that my cousin gave me when I became and Aggie, and another fleece one that is actually a sleeping bag. I bought that one when I went to Juarez. I want my house to have lots of random blankets in it. People always seem to have those quilts that their grandmothers make, and other old blankets that have sentimental value. I don't have any. I am now taking blanket donations. If you have any old blankets you don't want, I will take them! Haha. Please wash them first, unless they have a cool old smell. I like the old blanket smell.

Thanks and Gig 'Em.