Sunday, February 25, 2007

All I Need

Sometimes life makes us feel let down, disappointed and tired. I know I've been feeling like that recently. It's crazy how rollercoaster-y life can be. Mine is certainly like that - every other week I feel the opposite to the week before. I don't know how to put it into words, but it's exhausting. What I forget is that He is faithful. He never leaves and He is always there. Today God has been giving me fresh air. I feel that tiny flower in my heart push through the soil of... life, or something... and begin to bloom. Hope is coming to life and filling my soul and it feels beautiful.

Christ is the only thing that will ever satisfy. If you are filling your life with things other than Christ, things that seem to give you happiness, remember that it's only temporary. I've had to learn that the hard way; it seems that everyone does. My relationship with Christ is not easy - I don't know why Joel Osteen's wife said it was. But knowing Christ is beautiful and fulfilling. I have joy and hope and life. I see some of my friends' facebook pictures and wish they could know how wonderful a personal relationship with my Lord and Savior is. I know they can, and I want that for them. What a glorious thing to know that your sins have been forgiven! God meets us where we are! Ohhhhhh I'm rejoicing and there are no words great enough to describe it!

I will be faithful in the little things. That is my goal for life :-).

I'm really scatterbrained right now so I think I'm gonna run. I'm gonna run to church... well actually I'm going to drive, but you get the idea.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Prayer Requests

Life gets difficult sometimes. I would like to ask you to pray for my family right now, as there are some hard things going on.

My mom has a pinched nerve in her back and nothing is helping. She has been to the chiropractor twice and also to the hospital but she is still in very severe pain. She can't move and so my dad has been having to take days off to help her and pick up my sisters from school etc. Please pray that the doctors would be able to figure out exactly what is going on so they have the knowledge to help her. Pray that her pain would lessen and that God would give her comfort.

My dad's stepmom died two days ago. I'm not sure if my dad is having a hard time with this, but I know his dad is. He has had to deal with the death of two of his wives - first my grandmother right after I was born (from breast cancer), and now my step-grandmother. I can't imagine the pain he is going through. I don't think he is a believer so I know it's especially hard. Pray for comfort and that he would come to know God's love in this time. My step-grandmother had Alzheimer's and it got really bad in a really short period of time. Within a year she had to be placed in a nursing home. I knew this would probably happen soon but I was in shock that she passed away so soon. It seems weird because the last time I saw Nonnie, we were teaching her how to dance to rap music.

She was very spunky and loved to dance. Please pray for my grandfather at this time, and for Nonnie's family.

One more prayer request - for my sister, Kellie. She is having a hard time because she misses England so much. I know how she feels (although she doesn't believe me) since I left Texas so long ago. Pray that Kellie would be able to see God's plan revealed for her, and be open to what God wants. Also pray that she wouldn't blame the pain on my parents or God, because I know it's tempting to do that.

Thanks for reading all of these prayer requests and thank you for praying!

On a happier note, we finally got the "ultimate spoon" pictures from Kellie!
Hahahahaha! :) I love my sisters! (Anna is my sister too!)


Monday, February 12, 2007

I Don't Know Why I'm Posting

I would really like to know where all my time goes. I got back from class at 8:45 tonight, and I have to go to bed fairly early so I can wake up for my 9:35 class tomorrow morning. I feel like I never have time to do homework!

We need to find a 4-bedroom house for next year. Please let me know if anyone finds one....

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Weekends are too Short

My family was here this weekend and it was great to see them. I miss hanging out with them so much! Carolyn and I have a car now (to share) so we were able to do fun things - just us girls. Carolyn and I are going to have so much fun doing random things together! We plan to go to Bryan tomorrow and hang out before my evening class.

I don't have a lot to say, really. Life is good. Hard, confusing, sometimes disappointing, but good. God is amazing!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Summoned By Name

Recently I made a sort of "to-do" list in xanga. One item on the list was "share my heart with others more often." I remembered it this morning, and I think you all should know what is really going on in my life right now. Not what tests I had this week, or how tired I've been recently, or what I'm doing this weekend, but the real stuff. The stuff you don't tell everyone. I think you deserve that because not only is it something I think about every day, but it's a testimony to what God is doing in my life!

Hang on, though, because this could be a long post.

I don't really know where to start, because I don't know when it started. The first "God thing" I can think of happened two weeks ago. I am reading through the One Year Bible, but I started last March. I will finish the Bible in less than a month, and since I didn't start at the beginning of the year, I am now in Exodus. (Do you follow? It's confusing, I know.) I have loved reading about Abraham and Moses and how God is using him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Well, two weeks ago I was reading in Exodus 4, and I came across these words:

"Moses said to the Lord, 'O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.' The Lord said to him, 'Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.'" (Ex. 4:10-12)

Cool verses, huh? God says he will use Moses despite the fact that he can't talk well. So yeah, I read those words and thought they were cool, and underlined them. Then I didn't think much about them until recently...

This past week has been cool. I can't really describe how busy it's been! I have barely had time to sit and do nothing.
On Monday I went to the A&M vs. Texas basketball game. We won.
On Tuesday I went to an Aggies in Mission meeting - got information on the trip to Juarez I'll be going on during Spring Break, and we chalked campus.
On Wednesday I had my first ComGroup of the semester. I wrote about this a little bit either in here or xanga, so you can read about that.
Now comes Thursday.

Thursday was when everything started happening.

I had a test that morning that I had barely studied for, so I was stressed out and tired. After that I had another class and was able to go home and breathe for a little while. While I was hanging out at my apartment, I came across a book on my bookshelf that I was given 2 1/2 years ago after my baptism. A family at our church in England had given it to me. I had never really read it, so I picked it up and flipped through it. Then I noticed that in the cover of the book they had written a note to me and a Bible verse. I read the verse and thought, "Cool. Don't really know what that means, but that's cool. I wonder if it was supposed to have any sort of relevance...?"

I went back on campus for a math class after lunch. I am a Math & Science Education major for Grades 4-8, and I a lot of people in my major are in multiple classes together. There is one girl in my math classes (so I see her every day) named Ali. She actually lives a couple yards from me in the apartment building next to mine! She was in my Journey group (Bible study at the BSM) last semester. Since she lives at my apartment complex, we rode the bus back together and were able to talk on the bus. I won't tell you everything we talked about, but I will tell you the important stuff.

We are both going to be graduating at least a semester late, and neither of us have our lives together, haha. We don't really have a clue what's going on, and it seems like everyone around us does. They are applying for grad schools and have these amazing teaching strategies that they will one day use with their students. They can't wait to decorate their classrooms and have a bunch of students to fill with wisdom. Oh, and they're all engaged. Hahahaha! Well we were talking about how we don't have any of that stuff, and how we are just taking it one day at a time. I finally confessed to Ali that I really don't know if I want to teach, and she perked up and told me she was the same way. I said that service is my passion, and she perked up again - hers too! She is actually taking 19 hours so she won't have to do summer school this summer. Instead, she is going on a mission trip! I think that is so cool. So yeah, we are both sort of in the same boat. Neither of us really know what we are going to do with our lives, and it's scary and confusing.

We got off the boat and I felt better about my insecurities regarding teaching. An hour later I was up at the BSM (Baptist Students Ministry) for my Journey Group. I was feeling better now that I had told someone about my secret - I didn't really want to be a teacher if I was completely honest with myself. Sure, I would love teaching, please don't get me wrong. I love kids and I think I would be a good teacher. I keep getting told that I explain things well to others. I just don't get passionately excited when I think about teaching. Anyways, I had my Bible Study and what do you know, we studied Exodus! It was great and I remembered the verses I had read a week and a half earlier. I learnt so much about God and it was amazing. We finished around 9:10 (usually groups end at 9:00) but to our surprise we were the first group out. I hung out in the foyer by myself as I waited for the other groups to get out.

A man walked up to me named Joel. He is the director of the BSM and I think he knows who I am, but I've never really talked to him before. Our conversation started off the same way - where are you from, what's your major etc. etc. We talked about England for a while and its state spiritually. Then we talked about my major and I told him that I had recently come to the realization that if I was honest, I didn't really want to teach. Turns out, he was sort of in the same boat as me in college. He was a history and psychology major, and he thought he was going to be a professor. But God led him to collegiate ministry. Carolyn and Anna are probably the only ones who know this, but it is my dream to work with college kids. I told him that, and he told me more about his job and what he does. I got really really excited because he was telling me about opportunities there. Turns out, they are actually looking for interns at the BSM!!!!!!!! I could do this after I graduate and never leave A&M! Haha! :-) Wow, that would be so cool. He actually got my phone number and email address and he's going to contact me so we can meet next week and talk about all of this stuff. I can't tell you how shocked and over the moon I was to have a prayer answered in such a short time! He gave me great advice, too. He said that one of his friends told him to make a list of stuff you were passionate about, things you were good at and then to list your ideal job. Finally, pray that God would bring all of that together in a way that glorifies him! In all honesty, I just want to serve college kids and build relationships with them. It feels weird saying that because I am a college kid - I'm only 20! But I love their spontineity and energy and would love working with them one day.

I got home and was sort of in disbelief that all of that had happened, and I called Carolyn to talk about it. She actually told me that I should be leading a Bible study (I've been told this twice in the past few days already... I guess I need to pray about that for next semester!). My first thought was, "Wow, I am horrible with words. I am awkward and say the wrong thing all the time!" But then I thought about Exodus 4:10-12 that I had read two weeks ago. I felt just like Moses - God was trying to use him for something great, but Moses kept making excuses. Finally God got frustrated with him and orders him to "Go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." I knew God was telling me to step out of my comfort zone because He is the one in control and He will give me the words to say in that sort of situation.

Suddenly a thought came to me -- what was that verse I had read in the cover of the book I was given? I looked it up again, and almost couldn't breathe because the verse made absolute perfect sense:

"I will go before you
and will level the mountains;
I will break down gates of bronze
and cut through bars of iron.
I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places,
So that you may know that I am the Lord,
the God of Israel, who summons you by
Isaiah 45:2-3

Friday, February 09, 2007

Sexy President

I just remembered my dream -- and it made me laugh!!

I dreamt that I was babysitting for some family. They came home and brought with them a bunch of older people and Dr. Gates (That's Robert Gates, A&M's previous president, not Bill Gates). Apparently Dr. Gates knew me or something because he kept talking to me and using my name. I guess I was the only person there who went to A&M because the rest were adults. Anyways, I think they had all had been out choosing a new president for A&M - for those of you who don't know, that's what A&M is going through right now. So everyone came back and Dr. Gates looked at me and said, "Oh my gosh, you students are going to LOVE the new president we got!! He's VERY goodlooking!!!" Other people chimed in, "Yeah, he's a cutie!" and "Oh yes - so sexy! I saw him and I was like... Oh. My. Goodness."

Hahaha... I sincerely hope that's not our new president's primary trait. But it would definitely make for an interesting [some number here] years.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Thursday is Practically Friday, Which is Practically the Weekend.

I finally feel like I can breathe! This week has been incredibly busy, but it's gone by really fast. Yet it's still not over. At least the last part of this week will be better - I have Bible Study tonight, and lunch with a special person ;-) tomorrow. Ok, ok, it's my SiC. But she's still really special!

Last night was my first ComGroup of the semester. I couldn't get in one last semester due to my schedule, but I am finally in one now. We meet at 6:30 on Wednesdays and eat dinner together. Then we either discuss someting we talked about in church, or anything that is on our hearts. Yesterday it was my friends Jennifer and Andrew's turn to cook (everyone takes turn each week). So I went over to Jennifer's house and we made gumbo. That was a first for me - both making and eating it. I feel so out of the loop! I didn't even know what gumbo really was! It was so much fun though. We sauteed vegetables and sliced sausage and put everything into a HUGE pot. Cooking with friends is SO fun, and I need to do that more often! Jen had also made a cheesecake (cappuccino cheesecake, to be exact), so we brought that. Andrew made delicious cornbread and our meal was complete!

So yeah, we met at a family's house and everyone got to eat and hang out for the first part of the evening. Then we sat in the living room and talked about all kinds of stuff spiritual-wise. What an incredible blessing that was!! I was able to see honesty in a way that I had never seen in the church before. I can barely explain it, but I know that that is what the church is supposed to look like. There were different ages there, from young college students to married couples. I was able to see that sometimes married folks don't even have the answers. I don't know why I pretend that they know everything, because it's not true. It was amazing because so often as Christians we are afraid to admit that we are struggling with something in our relationship with Christ. We want to appear like we have it all down and we're ok. Our group talked about the human body - when you cut your finger, the rest of the body actually helps to heal it than the finger does itself. We compared this to the Body of Christ. When one part of the body suffers, the rest bears part of the burden and helps to heal that broken part. But how can we do that if struggles and sufferings are kept hidden? I could talk about all of this for forever, but I'll just leave it at this: I am truly amazed and blessed at the way I saw Christ's Bride last night.

For any of you who are wondering, my back is almost completely better. Yay for physical therapy that actually works!

I am going to put my deposit down tomorrow to go to Juarez for Spring Break. Check it out: has all the information! I'm really super excited and I am praying that it all works out! I can't wait to serve there!

I saw a squirrel today running around campus, which isn't unusual. I really want a pet squirrel. Think about how cool that would be!! It's like a big hamster with a huge tail!

Ok, well, I need to go.

Press on,

Monday, February 05, 2007

Brain Dead

Recently I have been thinking about changing to blogspot... they look cooler and more organized. What do y'all think?

I don't understand why all my British friends put up pictures of them drinking on Facebook. It seems like that's all they do, which is sad. Every photo album is of them at some party, alcohol in hand, acting completely crazy. Why? I love life and have so much fun without getting drunk. I don't think alcohol is wrong in moderation, but it definitely becomes wrong when that's all you do. *Sigh.*

God keeps surprising me more and more lately. His blessings are huge and He keeps pouring them on me! I don't deserve anything He gives. He is showing me the hearts of other believers and it's so cool because they share the same desires and hopes as me. I wish I was more eloquent and could share all my thoughts and feelings on this, but it's like the words are stuck inside me. I've never been wonderful with words and it's really frustrating. I guess I'll just say that God is good and righteous and He's teaching me a lot!

I watched a YouTube video the other day that Carolyn showed me and it made me so upset. I think it was a clip from Fox News or something - a guy was interviewing a Christian extremist lady who protested against.... everything, really. She was from a very small church where her family was 80% of the congregation. They carried signs that said things like "God hates fags" and they protested against funerals for soldiers. She said that it was God's wrath that was causing the death of the soliders. It just made me so sad.... that these people claim to know God but they really don't. The God I worship is full of love and grace. Yes, He hates sin. You can't ignore that... but when you leave out His love, there's something wrong there! He pursues us even when we run from Him, time and time again. It breaks my heart that that lady doesn't know God like that.

I am so distracted today, I think I should sign off now.