Friday, May 30, 2008


I sit in my bedroom tonight not knowing exactly what to do with myself. I did some thinking earlier and realized that there is a dull ache inside me that hungers for community. Since I left College Station I have not had any regular fellowship with other Christians. I wish that I was able to eat dinner with some fellow Believers and laugh and be vulnerable and transparent with them.

I feel dry.

We were created for community, and life without it feels empty. I am amazed that there are Christians who float from church to church, trying to find "the right fit". True, we are able to serve each other better with Christians that share similar beliefs, but there is never going to be a perfect church. I can't imagine not settling into a Body and serving consistently in a group of Christians.

It makes me sad that I will only be in the Dallas area for 7 months or so. I mean, that's what I'm assuming. I want so badly to be plugged into a church, but knowing that it would be for a short time makes me hesitant. I like long-term commitment. In the back of my mind, I ask myself, "What's the point?"

In Ross King's song Happy, he talks about the American megachurch. At one point, he asks the questions

Would you notice if I was gone?
How easy would it be to move on?

I know that the situation he talks about is a little different (he is picturing himself in a church of 14,000 people), but church should still be the same. 1 Corinthians 12 compares the church to a human body. Paul explains that every part of the body is equally important and the body cannot function as well if pieces are missing.

The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
1 Corinthians 12:21-26

If I was a part of a church and I left, the church should suffer somewhat due to my absence.

If you chopped your finger off, you would notice, wouldn't you?

You would feel some pain.

You would find it difficult to continue living your normal life without that finger.

That's how it should be in the Body of Christ. Yet this doesn't happen much. I am going to a church right now that is so big that I feel unimportant. I could sit in my seat on Sunday and it would be no different than if I wasn't there. The service would continue in the exact same way regardless of whether I was there or not. No one would wonder, "Where's Katie?" because it really wouldn't matter. I'm not trying to sound cynical here, but it's the truth, and it doesn't feel right.

Everyone longs to be important to others, and it's no different with me. I will be excited for the day when I can get plugged into a church and know that I won't be leaving for a long time.

As for right now, I am still craving that community, but I don't know where to begin. Please pray for me this summer and next semester, because I want to be a part of a Body where I am needed and I can use my gifts to serve and to minister to others.

I think I've been writing in my blog so much lately because I am trying to connect with people on some level. I know that people read this, and I take comfort in that. It's nice to know that there are other people there, listening. Or reading, I should say! :)

* * * * *

In other news, I went to the mall today to buy some new makeup. It seems like I've run out of the essentials all at once. I approached the Clinique counter and waited for someone to help me. This woman with a thick foreign accent approached me with an unhealthy amount of energy. Why do makeup people have foreign accents? I have always wondered this. Anyways, I told her what kind of eyeliner I use and what color I like, and she told me they were out.

"But I have the mos BEAUUUUTIFUL color that would jus look great on you! Look at dis brown color."

"Yeah, that's nice. I guess that will be okay."

"What kine of mascara you use?"

"High impact. I use brown."

"No no no. I see your hair, it's light, but I think you need more defnition. You use black."

She handed me a tube of black mascara as she closed the makeup drawer. I was not going to buy brown mascara because she said so. And I am too much of a pansy to argue with sales people.

At least I got the free bonus gift. Gosh, I love those things. It makes the pain of dealing with pushy cosmetic sales people bearable.

I bet Austin is reading this and shaking his head. He is so much more assertive than I am. :)

I am getting tired of writing. I have a lot of thoughts now but I should cut it off.

Until next time,


LAstar said...


you are so right about community - we NEED each other. community - the body - is supposed to be a key player in our lives! by cutting ourselves off, we not only deprive ourselves, but we deprive others, as well. i totally understand what you mean when you ask "what is the point of attempting to plug in and connect to a church when i will just be leaving in 7ish months?" here is what i say to that: you know that we are called to plug in and to serve, and that we need community. God doesn't just call us to do these things when it makes sense, but when it doesn't make sense, also! the truth of it is, we never know when our last day is - you could be at that church for a day or 10 just don't know right now! so the best thing to do would be to plug in and start serving right away - this is obedience to the Lord! i struggled with the same thing for a while when i was deciding whether or not to become a member of living hope. i knew i would just be leaving, but in the end what matters is that we are obedient to God in all seasons, at all times. do not fret my friend! ;)

and yes, why do so many sales people have foreign accents? do they sell more than boring american accents? probably. they sound way cooler. haha!

Ashley said...

katie, you are such an inspiration to me. you always write about such profound things that really make me stop and ponder how i'm applying that (in this case, community) in my life. I LOVE YOU!!!!

the clinique ladies are peppy people, aren't they? they must drink a lot of red bull. :)

D&S said...

Katie!! This is Shelley Park! Where in Dallas are you? We have a great church that NEEDS you. And you'd fit right in ... it's called ComChurch Irving! I'm praying you're close enough. Even if you're not close enough to come every week, you can definitely come over for dinner. Email me: -- can't wait to hear from you.