Satisfied

That video is just for fun. :)

I had a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks (I know, I'm a traitor) earlier tonight, so I feel too awake to go to sleep right now. I also feel too full of thoughts.

Occasionally I get like this.

My room feels cozy and quiet, and I'm here, just sitting.

Thinking.

Reflecting.

Do you want to know what is going through my head? I'll tell you.

1. The other night, Austin and I watched The Dead Poets Society. I don't want to spoil the movie for you if you've never seen it, so don't read any further if you don't want me to. There is one character in the movie, a high school student, whose father is extremely demanding and hard on him. He has his son's life planned out -- he will be a lawyer (I think?? Or maybe a doctor? I can't remember), and earn lots of money -- and he wants his son to stop his extracurricular activities so he can focus on his goals. The son, however, loves the theater, and wants to be an actor. He ends up being in a play without his father's knowledge, and once the dad finds out, he is furious. The son finally can't take it anymore, so he commits suicide. At this part in the movie, I turned to Austin and said, "That's a perfect example of what God doesn't want parents to do, as talked about in Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. It made me so sad to see a boy so upset over his father's orders that he wanted (and succeeded) to end his own life. It makes me think about what kind of parent God wants me to be. I know - more parenting talk. I know that my posts seem to be all about parenting these days. It's important! I want to make sure that I don't exasperate my children. I should not overwhelm them with goals and things that I want them to accomplish, but let God work in them and help them grow into the little people He intended for them to be. I believe that my parents have done an excellent job at this (thanks, Mom and Dad!). They haven't ever discouraged me from doing anything that I've wanted to do, and they haven't pressured me into a career or major. I want to do the same for my own kids!

2. I have been thinking about something that our worship leader, Ross King, said in church a few weeks ago. He told a story about how he accidently stole a pen from some church he was visiting for an event or something. Later, he grabbed the pen to use it to write something, and then glanced at what was printed on it: there was the name of the church, with its motto, Striving to Please God, written underneath. Ross talked a little bit about how, although the church probably had good intentions in choosing that motto, no Christian should live their lives "striving to please God". At first, I was a little shocked and taken aback. Yes we should, I thought. But after he talked more about it, and I thought more about those words, I realized that he was right. "Strife" indicates that there is a struggle, a constant fight or competition. Living your life struggling or fighting to please God means that as a Christian, you have missed the point. You don't have to struggle to have God be pleased with you! Because of God's unconditional love and grace, there is nothing you can do to make God love you more or less. He made us! He loves His creation. Now, it is true that if we accept Jesus as our Savior, we should live to please Him and to bring glory to His Name, but that's different.

3. I am excited about the life that God has given to me. I used to be scared about the future, because it was so unknown, but now, I am really excited. I am excited about forming new relationships with people, starting a new "chapter" of my life (that sounds so cliche), serving the Body of Christ in a new area (I'm assuming), and continuing to discover God's will for my life. I'm excited about learning and growing.

4. This weekend, my dad's side of the family is having a family reunion. We're going to stay at some lodge on the lake up near Dallas. I'm really excited about it! I get to see my grandfather, my uncle and my aunt, as well as my cousin Lucy. It's been at least three years since I've seen all of them. Even though our time together will be short, I am praying that God uses it to restore those relationships. Please pray that God's love will be shown in me and my family!

5. I'm starting to get kind of tired now, and since I have to babysit in the morning, I should probably go to sleep. Goodnight, world!

-Katie

To Plan or Not to Plan

I don't use a planner.

I know, I'm in college, and you're supposed to be organized and on top of things. But to be honest, planners make me feel more disorganized, not less.

You have to remember to write assignments down in your planner, and then you have to remember to check your planner for assignments you previously wrote down.

I don't like all that mess.

So I don't use a planner.

At the beginning of each year, I will start over trying to be a "planner girl" -- I'll go out and get a planner, and I'll start to write things in it. But soon after, I realize that I don't actually accomplish anything with a planner, so I stop using it.

I bet you're all wondering how I remember everything if I don't use a planner. Well, to be honest, I just remember it. Certain details I might write down in a notebook or something, along with my class notes, but apart from that, everything is in my brain.

I don't need a planner to remind me that I have to babysit on Tuesday. Or what time. Or for how long. Or where.

It's in my brain.

I don't need a planner to tell me that I have homework due tomrorow at midnight.

It's in my brain.

I don't need a planner to tell me that I am going to have dinner with a friend on Tuesday.

That's in my brain, too.

Sometimes, though, I will write lists of things I need to do, and stick it above my computer. This is only done, though, if my brain is a little stressed out of trying to remember and keep track of all the things I have to do. One by one, I'll cross them off until the whole list is crossed off. I threw away a list about 30 minutes ago. It inspired me to write this post.

Well, I'm out, because I'm going to the Station to finish writing my research paper, that is due tomorrow night.

I didn't need a planner to tell me that.

-Katie

I Am Going to Need a Space Heater Pretty Soon

College Station is so beautiful this time of year.

Oh wait, just kidding. It's not.

I just realized that there is a huge rainbow on my wall. I wonder what is causing it. It starts at the drawer of my desk and goes all the way up the wall, across the ceiling, down the wall again, and it stops at my other desk drawer. It's kind of mesmerising.

54 out of my 574 facebook friends are either engaged or married. That's five up from last week, I think. I have a feeling there will be a huge surge in the number of engagements soon. Probably around the time of Christmas. It's such a magical, sentimental and romantic time of year... there's lights everywhere... you get to make hot chocolate and snuggle... why wouldn't you get engaged? :-P haha.

I am absolutely overwhelmed with how God provides for me, even in the little things. Money is tight right now for me, and I thought I would be eating peanut butter and jelly for ever meal for the next month. Last night I prayed about it a lot, and was confident that God would continue provide for me. After all, He tells us not to worry about what we will eat or what we will wear. He's going to take care of it! I was at the grocery store helping Carolyn to buy some stuff this afternoon (she's broke too) and I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. I don't understand why most people don't answer the phone if they don't know the number. I always always do! It's kind of exciting - you never know who it's going to be! It turned out being a lady from my church who just gave birth to her second daughter. She had heard from some other ladies in the church that I like to babysit and that I'm free a lot during the days. I told her that it was true, and then she told me, "Great! I'll be calling you a LOT then." I got a babysitting job for Tuesday, which is perfect, because next week is going to be really slow as far as homework goes.

I almost started dancing in the middle of the chip aisle, but I didn't. I just smiled and thanked God for His constant provision. Now I can pay for gas and my sister and I will be able to eat for the next month! Yay! :)

I think I'm going to go shave my legs now. Gotta prepare for No-Shave November! Just kidding, that was the grossest thing I've ever done.

-Katie

So, You're the Guy Who Turned Out a Lover

Hi. I have that song stuck in my head...

I finished all my work last night, and my room is starting to look cleaner. Well, kind of. Maybe part of it is that I don't really want to clean my room right now.

I just discovered a new staple that I am going to add to my food: I think they are Tyson breaded chicken breast fillets. 18 minutes in the oven, add a bun and some mayo and ketchup, and then you have a wonderful chicken sandwich. At just over a dollar per fillet, that is a pretty cheap meal. You can keep them in your freezer, so they stay good for a long time. Plus, they have 19 grams of protein per serving. Boy, do I need that right now. (Mom, you should start buying these to keep at home - everyone will love them, I promise.) But note: only Target, Albertsons and Kroger carry them.

I'm excited about the Hall tonight. I never thought I'd say that, and those who know me think I'm crazy that I go dancing at the Hall now. I used to think it was a scary place, and that random guys would come and dance up on you. But no. Not if you go with the right people. They will protect you! Haha. I just go two-stepping with Austin and some of his buddies. It's a lot of fun, and it's pretty stress relieving.

The Office is only 30 minutes long tonight. Sad day.

I have a coupon so I can save $4 on one 8-pack of toilet paper. That's a lot!!!!!! Do you know how stinkin expensive toilet paper is? The last time I bought toilet paper, it cost me $9.99. And I got like 16 rolls or something like that. Seriously, toilet paper should not be that expensive. I know you pay more to get extra absorbant or extra soft, but come on -- you wipe your rear end with it and then flush it down the drain. That's all. I bet there are big bucks in the toilet paper industry because everyone uses it. EVERYONE. If toilet paper were like $20 per package, people would still buy it. Well, maybe not. If it was that expensive, I would probably switch to leaves. Maybe I should just switch to leaves. It would save me a ton of money each month. What did people use before toilet paper? That's just gross to think about. I know that Romans had sponges on sticks that they carried around their waists... and I think some people in Asia use their left hand... SICK. I love toilet paper.

I felt like an idiot walking outside this morning. It was like 46 degrees, so I wore a coat and a long sleeved shirt underneath. But then I noticed that most people were not wearing coats. One dude even had just a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops on. So I felt like a wimp or something. But it was COLD!

My Bible study starts in 30 minutes, so I should probably get going.

Peace, love, and chicken breast fillets--

-Katie

Coming Up For Air

I think that the cleanliness of my room is a good indicator on how my life is going. The more stuff that's not put away, the more papers on the floor, and the more drinks left on my desk and nightstand, the busier and preoccupied I am.

My room is very very messy right now.

The length and frequency of my posts are also good indicators. Which is why I'm ending this one now!

-K

Observant Children and Joint Checking Accounts

Today I heard the song "Watching You" by Rodney Adkins. In the song, the father talks about how his little boy watches him and does what he does.

The dad cusses under his breath, and then later the son does, too. The father asks his son where he learned to talk like that, and the son says, "I've been watching you, Dad."

Then the dad goes to the barn to pray and ask God to give him direction in raising his son. So that night, as he's tucking his son into bed, the boy gets down on his knees and prays. The dad asks his son where he learned to pray like that, and again, his son answers, "I've been watching you, Dad."

It made me think a lot about how hard it must be to be a parent! To have young children watching everything you do and taking note of everything you say. Children are very affected by what their parents do.

What a responsibility!

It must be so hard to not say words like "stupid" if you don't want your children saying stuff like that. You have to continually examine yourself and your actions and speech as a parent.

But what an opportunity it is!

If you are living your life for Christ, your child will pick up on that.

Your child could see you spending time in the Word and praying, and realize that your relationship with God is important (and should be your biggest priority!). If you say or do something you shouldn't, they can see you apologize for your actions/words and explain to them why it was wrong. They can watch (and help) you serve others within the church or the community, sharing God's love and grace with them. They can also watch how you interact with your husband/wife and hopefully see the the love that Christ has for the Church. How wonderful is that!?

You can set an example by what you wear (I'm talking about modesty here), how you react in stressful situations, what you do when you're angry, how you use any free time you may have (ha), how you spend your money, your views and attitudes towards the Church, the music you listen to... etc. The list continues!

Obviously I do not have kids, so I am not experienced in this area at all. I was just thinking about these things, and those were some of my thoughts.

* * * * *

Does anyone else think it will be weird to have a joint checking account with someone else (when you get married)? I thought about that today and was a little weirded out. I know that some people don't have joint checking accounts when they get married, and to be honest, I think that's wrong. God's plan was for the two to becoming one, and I don't think He meant that just physically.

Mark 10:7-8 says:

'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one.

The first part of those verses is referring to Genesis 2:24, and it is what God says after He creates Eve for Adam. In a different translation of the Bible, the words "and cleave to his wife" are used instead of "be united to his wife". Literally, this means 'to glue to' or 'to adhere'. And the word "one" at the end of verse eight literally means 'one human being'.

Husband and wife are to act as one human being.

Which is why I think it makes sense to have a joint checking account. The husband shares everything he has with his wife, and the wife shares everything she has with her husband.

Thinking about this concept in terms of the Church is beautiful!

I think we are so consumed with the idea that, "What I earn for myself, I deserve and it should be mine and mine alone." We are all about being private and independent.

Maybe that's why a lot of married couples think they should only be spending what they themselves earn.

If I had that mindset, and if I end up being a mom for a living, I am going to be one broke lady!

And I know I'm kind of stuck on this whole "joint checking account" idea, but the 'becoming one human being' concept doesn't end there.

Husbands and wives must agree on all levels when they decide how to manage their home.

They have to agree on how they will discipline their children.

Remember when you would ask Mom if you could do something because Dad said no?

Somehow, I don't think that's supposed to happen. First of all, if Mom and Dad are disagreeing on allowing their children to do something, that's messed up right there. Secondly, if Dad says no, his word should go. He's the head of the home.

Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

1 Corinthians 11:3

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

Ephesians 5:23

God is clear that in a family, the order of authority goes: Christ, Husband, Wife.

So if Dad says something is final, then it's final. I think that if a family is functioning the way God intended it to function, then problems won't arise because Dad and Mom agree on everything, and the children respect the father's authority as the head of the family.

Just some thoughts.

So if you're getting married anytime soon, get a joint checking account. :)

* * * * *

Anyways, I'm going to go take a bath and get ready for bed. I know it's early, but I have a busy day tomorrow, including a trip to the water treatment plant!

-Katie

Relationships and Such

For the first time since maybe.... March, I was cold today when I walked outside. Fall is here.

At least, I think it is, for a while. All I know is that earlier today it was sunny and warm as I was waiting for the bus, and then after lunch I walked outside to be greeted by intense rain and a cool breeze. I shivered.

I wanted a sweater.

Yay!

I can't wait to wear sweaters every day!

I love the Fall.

Do you know what else I'm really ready for? This semester to be over. I'm just... not liking it. It's not bad, but I'm not in love with my classes or my schedule. It feels kind of blah, and I am just ready for a new semester. Next semester is Methods. I don't know how I feel about that, either. At least I only have stuff on three days each week: one day at A&M, two days in a school. I need to talk to Ashley to see how it is. I just hope I get a good school! I would totally stay at Sul Ross if I could.

Back to the whole weather topic.

It rained today - hard.

It was soooo beautiful! I got home after getting soaked on campus, and then opened my front door. I also opened all the blinds, put some John Mayer on, lit a candle and snuggled up to work on my homework. Austin came over to hang out while I studied, and we stayed warm and dry inside while listening to the rain falling outside. What a perfect afternoon. :)

The other night, while the band was still in Lubbock, Erin and I got to hang out (our boyfriends are roommates). We were supposed to study, but instead we ended up talking for about 4 and a half hours.

I have learned to put down whatever I am doing if there are relationships that need forming, repairing, nurturing or sustaining. It is something that God has taught me needs to be a priority in my life.

I don't think I'm really at college to get an education.

I'm here to build relationships.

I got baptized in 2004, just a few days before I came to college. A missionary from Argentina was visiting our church that day, and he asked if he could talk to the people who got baptized after church.

He told me that college would be busy for me. So busy, in fact, that he wondered if I would ever get any work done! He said that with a laugh.

I can't tell you how completely true that has been over the past three years! I really don't study that much. I meet with people. They take up most of my time.

Yet God has blessed the time that I do study, and I have decent grades.

They're not amazing, but they're good. I don't need a 4.0. I don't desire a 4.0.

My life isn't about achieving goals or being successful. I laugh because if it was, I would be failing miserably!

I am no where near successful by the world's standards.

That's not what God planned for me.

He planned for me to meet with my friends as often as I can. To put down my books if I'm studying at a coffee shop and talk instead of study.

To stop for a while if I see someone on campus instead of hurrying to class.

I am continuing to learn that I make my life about me, and that's so wrong!

I am not perfect at sustaining relationships that God has placed in my life. I'm really not good at it at all. But God has shown me that relationships are supposed to be important to me.

Pray that I will keep this perspective.

Erin hit the nail on the head as we were talking:

"This [talking and getting to know one another] is what it's all about."

-Katie

luv is a verb

Who knows what I'll write right now, because I'm really hyper and full of crazy energy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

I'm eating a granola bar and listening to dc Talk. I want to learn how to early-90s dance. Like Will Smith can on the Fresh Prince. I have spent maybe the past 30 minutes jumping around my room.

I want to jump on my bed...

I just tried it, but it seems that I have gotten too tall. (Me? Tall? Ha.) My head almost hit the ceiling fan, and then it almost hit the ceiling.

I want a trampoline. When I get my own place, I'm totally buying one. I will have trampoline parties with my other adult friends. Well, the adults probably wouldn't want to jump on it. So I'll get some little kids to hang out with me, and we will have fun. We'll be less mature than the middle school kids I will be teaching.

It will be awesome.

We'll have dance parties to Kelly Clarkson.

Like I'm having right now.

I bet there is a camera somewhere in my room, filming me. Because I look pretty silly.

I'm supposed to be going to dinner with Austin, but I bet I won't be able to sit still. I might even start dancing around the restaurant. I feel energized.

I'm not really sure why, because earlier I wasn't feeling that great, and I layed on my bed for a few hours talking on the phone.

I'm not a huge fan of talking on the phone, but I called Kellie today and talked to her for a long time. It was good. I never call Kellie. I should call her more often. I also got to talk to my mom for a long time, as well as Nana.

I talked to Nana about the Christmas party.

GET READY!!!!!!!!!

Because it's coming up.

It's going to be insane this year. With more food than you can imagine.

Know why?

Because it's going to be a potluck!

Puppy chow, chex mix, cookies, brownies, wassail, hot chocolate (heck yes my famous recipe!), and all the other good stuff.

I'm PUMPED. I listened to a little bit of Christmas music earlier. Just to get in the mood. I talked about decorating Nana's house after Thanksgiving. Because this year the party will be on December 1st. MARK YOUR CALENDARS!!!!!! That was a little heads up.

I might dress up as an elf.

But probably not.

It would be funny though.

On that note, I'll sign off and continue to jump happily around my bedroom.

You should be here.

-Katie

Getting Older

My sister Kellie wrote the most wonderful post in her blog today. It won't mean the same to you that it did to me, my sisters, Anna and Sarah, but maybe you will get a small glimpse into what I grew up with.

I miss being young.

Making Cheesecake and Learning to Trust God

What do you think of the new look? Eh? Eh? I love white and spring green together. Too bad it's about to be Fall... oh well!

I have a cheesecake in the oven. It's the first time I've ever made a REAL cheesecake before. With spring form pan and all. I'm just a little bit upset because I won't be able to eat it until tomorrow. It has to sit in the fridge overnight. That's why I like Jello-O's no-bake cheesecakes. They only take an hour to make and they're pretty good, too! But I made this cheesecake entirely from scratch. I even crushed up graham crackers and stuff. It'll be delicious. I also made dinner tonight - salmon fillets with a honey and soy glaze. It looked amazing, but I wasn't won over with the taste. Something tells me it needed to cook longer. Hmm. Not sure I'll try that one again.

I tend to be very critical of my own cooking.

I think I'm almost over this sickness. Really. There's not so much snot anymore, and I'm not coughing my head off every other minute. We'll see, though.

So last night I got to go to Breakaway. It makes me sad that I haven't been able to go as much this semester. I planned on it, but being sick and crazy busy has messed me up a little bit. But, last night, I was finally able to go. Everything that I've been learning about this week, God spoke through Ben. We sang "Ruin Me" (the song from my last post) after studying Luke 12:22-34. Jesus tells His followers not to worry about anything, because our Daddy in Heaven is going to take care of us.

I really needed to hear all of that

...again.

I know in my head that God will take care of me. I say it all the time.

But my heart wasn't believing it. I wasn't trusting God the way I should.

You see, I have terrible anxiety when it comes to graduating from A&M. I simply don't want to do it. If I could get an occupation as a college student, I would. I love it here.

I love being able to walk around campus. I love not having to worry about the "real world." I love having a different schedule every semester. I love being able to do random stuff when I want. I love being able to meet up with my friends for lunch. I love having [almost] everyone I love in one place.

I don't like thinking about moving away and living somewhere on my own. I don't like thinking about not being able to see my friends when I want to. I don't like thinking about getting a real job, to earn money to support myself. It doesn't appeal to me at all.

I get worried about my future, because it seems surreal and strange to me. It seems... grown up. I certainly don't feel grown up! I like dealing with college students. I don't want to deal with adults. Even if I'm going to become one.

This is where I have a hard time trusting God. I know He has a plan for me. I know He loves me unconditionally. I know He will provide for me. I know He will lead me. I know He is good. I know what He has for me is good.

But I don't want to let go of all my fear and anxiety and believe all those things. I need to let it affect me. I need that peace.

I can live day-to-day with peace, but when I think about my future, I tense up and anxiety seeps in.

That is not what God wants for me! That's what the world does: worry!

To be able to let go and let God (sorry, I know it's cliche) was amazing. I was able to say the words

Ruin my life, the plans that I've made

Ruin desires for my own selfish gain

Destroy the idols that have taken Your place

Till it's You alone I live for

with all my heart.

It is freeing.

I'm excited about life.

I can't wait to see what God has for me after graduation. Because it's His plan. He is good, righteous, perfect and He created me. What better reason do I have to trust Him?

Well my friends, I am done here for right now.

Cheesecake calls.

-Katie

Ruin Me

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a high and lofty throne, and His robe filled the temple. Seraphim were standing above Him; each one had six wings: with two he covered his face, with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another:
Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of Hosts;
His glory fills the whole earth.
The foundations of the doorways shook at the sound of their voices, and the temple was filled with smoke.
Then I said:
Woe is me, for I am ruined,
because I am a man of unclean lips
and live among a people of unclean lips, [and] because my eyes have seen the King,
the LORD of Hosts.
Then one of the seraphim flew to me, and in his hand was a glowing coal that he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth [with it] and said:
Now that this has touched your lips,
your wickedness is removed,
and your sin is atoned for.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying:
Who should I send?
Who will go for Us?
I said:
Here I am. Send me.

Isaiah 6:1-8

Woe to me! I am unclean!

A sinner found in Your presence!

I see You, seated on Your throne--

Exalted, Your glory surrounds You!

Now the plans that I have made

Fail to compare

When I see Your glory

Ruin my life,

The plans that I've made!

Ruin desires for my own selfish gain!

Destroy the idols that have taken Your place,

Till it's You alone I live for,

You alone I live for!

Holy, Holy, is the Lord Almighty!

Holy is the Lord!

Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty!

Holy is the Lord!

- Jeff Johnson, Ruin Me

"You're Really Weird!"

This morning I woke up with absolutely massive bags under my eyes, with no idea as to how they got there. I could understand if I had cried myself to sleep, or gotten no sleep... but I had a pretty uneventful night (with the exception of a trip to the bathroom at 5:45). I look miserable and upset, but I assure you that I'm quite happy. We won against OSU last night and I had a wonderful day yesterday. I'm going to do some research to figure out how to get rid of swollen under-eyes. (I don't know what to call the part under my eye.)

I realized the other day that I do some pretty weird things. Most people know about my strange foot-washing rituals, but there are a few more quirks that I have that are unknown to most of my friends:

1. Every night, before I go to bed, I try to find my flattest pillow. I bought two pillows from Sam's for $10, and they are both in identical pillow cases. I sleep with one more than the other, so there's this nice indention in it. But since they look the same, sometimes I get the pillows confused. Therefore, I spend about 2 minutes trying to figure out which one is the one I use more frequently. Sometimes I lay on each of them to do this. I should just get a marker and mark it after I figure it out, but where would the mystery be in that? :)

2. I absolutely despise cutting my fingernails with my razor. This happens about twice a year, completely on accident. It happened to me today, and I wanted to rip up my shower curtain in frustration. Does this ever happen to you? Where you're shaving your legs and you move your hand away a little slower than you needed to, and SLICE, there goes a chunk off the end of your fingernail. There is no blood, no pain, but it feels so WEIRD. I think this is one of my most hated feelings in the world. I would rather stub my toe. The pain from that goes away pretty quickly, but after cutting my fingernail, my whole body feels strange for at least 15 minutes afterwards.

3. Unless I am sweating profusely, I cannot stand cold air blowing on my body, especially my face. I want to run and hide... under a warm blanket. The buses at A&M are especially bad for blowing cold air on you. There is no reason for them to have the air on that high or that cold, and yet they choose to freeze their passengers. I normally take a sweater with me if I know I have to ride the bus. The other worst thing is when there is a cold fan blowing on you (or air conditioner, I guess) while you are trying to sleep. I don't mind some fans, as long as they aren't on their highest, craziest setting, but there are some that seem to shake and look as though they are going to fall out of the ceiling, they are spinning so fast. Unnecessary! I want to put my face under the pillow, but then I can't breathe. So there's really no solution.

4. I hate answering machines. I will hang up before I the voice mail message is done. I would rather be stabbed with a pencil than deal with those things. They make me nervous and self-conscious. If I know the person I am calling really well, then it's not really a problem. But if it's someone unfamiliar, I snap my phone shut after hearing "Hi, this is ____ and I'm not here..." If I really had to leave a message, I would probably write it beforehand on a piece of paper, and then read it. I feel strange talking to a voice recorder, who is supposedly my friend whoever.

5. I have music ADD. I have no problem changing the song after 45 seconds of listening to it. Sometimes, that's just enough. Unless I love the song. Sometimes I get obsessed with songs, and then I want to listen to them 50 times in a row. But most of the time, I have ADD. When my iPod is on shuffle, I will go through about 125 songs in 30 minutes.

6. I clean my room before I study. I don't think it's a procrastination technique for me, although it is for some people. I just want my environment to be tidy and orderly when I hit the books. I can't concentrate when I know that there are things that aren't in their right places.

Well, I should probably go and put some makeup on or something. I still look like I've been bawling my eyes out.

That's the end of the list for right now. If y'all can think of anything else I do that's weird, feel free to add it. Haha! :)

Peace out
-K

Ode to Z-packs

I know I haven't written in a week. I've been sick, so it's a legitimate excuse. I actually have bronchitis and sinusitis. I finally went to see the doctor yesterday, and he gave me a Z-pack. I think it is helping, because yesterday I was laying on the couch all day, and today I went to class. In fact, I woke up at 6 am and have been going and going all day. I took a quick one hour nap so I wouldn't die, but apart from that, I've been ok.

Yay for antibiotics. In England, they probably wouldn't have given me those.

"Just drink lots of water, take some paracetamol (a British painkiller) and get some rest. You'll be fine."

I was actually told that the last time I went to the doctor for a sinus infection in England. I don't know how I survived in that country...

So the Z-pack is helping, and all I do now is cough up phlegm and blow my nose constantly. I probably have dried boogers hanging out of my nose. At this point, I don't care a whole lot because there's not a lot I can do about it. I carry a roll of toilet paper around in my purse. My nose is raw. It hurts when I blow it. I need some extra moisturizing lotion or something to help that.

I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about my nasty sickness.

So I'll stop.

The other day, Carolyn and I were driving down Texas, and we saw some old people holding a sign... something against capital punishment, I think. That was all. One sign, four old people. It made me think of the song "Belief" by John Mayer:

Is there anyone who ever remembers
Changing their mind
From the paint on a sign?

It's so true. Carolyn and I were joking about reading that sign and thinking, "Oh! Yeah! No more capital punishment! It's so wrong!"

So I'm not getting into a discussion on my views of capital punishment, but I don't think anyone is really going to change their position on the issue just by looking at someone holding a sign.

It's like the abortion rallies. Is that really going to make women stop getting abortions? I personally think that is the complete wrong thing to do. I sadly admit that I used to stand in front of our church when I was little and hold signs protesting abortion. Saying that it was murder and that it was sin. I was pretty young, so I didn't really know what I was doing. But now, I think about the message that that was sending. I can imagine being a woman who had had an abortion. I would probably see those signs and feel very guilty about it. I would probably already be feeling guilty, but seeing those signs would make me feel worse. Seeing a bunch of people in front of a church would make me think that I wasn't welcome in the church because of what I had done. I would probably keep the abortion a secret, hiding guilt and shame from those who are supposed to be representing the love, mercy and grace of Jesus Christ.

It's so twisted.

I wish that Christians didn't do so much of the stuff we do. We dispense so much ungrace, and the world doesn't see Christ. It sees condemnation and judgement.

We call homosexuals fags and say they are headed to hell.

Oh, that'll make them want to be straight.

And it'll sure make them want to go to church and seek a loving, forgiving and life-changing God.

I just want to cry when I think about the image we are sending to the world.

I guess if I want to see Christians change the way they treat others, I need to start with myself, because I'm certainly not perfect.

Well, I need to go now because I'm pretty tired, and I'm still sick, so I need rest to recover.

Thank you all for your prayers. God is good!

-Katie